What Is Love?

What is Love? This is a great question asked by many. Through Hollywood movies, novels and personal experience we all have our notions about Eros, romantic love with sexual attraction. In contrast, platonic love is love for deep and intimate  friends. We also have our experiences, one way or another of family love, parents love for their child, the child for the parent, brothers and sisters. grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins. Agape is described as universal selfless love.  

The kind of love I am talking about trying to live in and with is agape love. It comprises an attitude, a cognitive-emotional state, a spiritual state and a behavioral approach to life, a way of being with your self and with others, with life, with creation, with all being. It is a literal energy, a cosmic energy, an infinite energy of light that, through grace, is in all of us. In fact, it is the essence of our being beneath skin and bone and mental thoughts of who we are.

Love is expressed through kindness, through tenderness, through caring and generosity, through courage, through perseverance, by being responsible, through living in integrity. Love is compassionate, love is empathetic, love seeks win-win resolutions for greatest good for all, not serving ego or selfish interest. While our true nature is love, it takes  both an attitude of acceptance and intention to cultivate that love, to grow it and to as consistently as one can, to live it out in all our relations.

We are love and our love is for giving, given without conditions or expectations of return. True giving is from the heart and is a gift for the giver for then we are honoring the truth of who and what we are and when we put our energy, our attention into thought-forms that are.

We are sacred, worthy, luminous beings of love and love is for giving. You can LIVE LOVE NOW.

When we remember this, we get stronger, healthier, more power-full. Juiced. We get lit up. 

 Of course the opposite is also true, when we put our attention into fueling thought forms that are not based on our true identity, that we truly are sacred, worthy, luminous being so love that is for giving, our hearts close, our pipes get congested and stuck, our immune systems are weakened and we suffer emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Thoughts that critically attack our selves and  the being of others,  (as contrasted with behavior) are actually violent acts because they are based on illusionary perceptions of separation. When we hold them as true, we separate our awareness, our consciousness, from the infinite cosmic light and love that is the ground of all being and the ground of all creation, the unitive, interconnected, interwoven Oneness that religious people call God or Great Spirit, or Holy Spirit or Tao, or Bhddha or Allah or Shekinah or Yahway or Orenda or Wakan Tanka or Great Mysterious One or whatever.  

The love I am talking about when I say “Live Love Now” is  an energy that sees beneath the membrane of separation into the place of connection that both are living in illuminating the truth that at the deepest level of our being there is only one relationship. It just manifests into the through different forms.  Similar to the ocean, many waves of size and shape and intensity and color but all made of the same substance and always connection to the Mother Sea.  

“God is love and those who love, know God”  - 1 John 4:7-21

The more I can remember that truth, the more you and I can remember that truth. The more we can live that truth, the truth of our being, the sooner can we create a racially, socially, and environmentally just world. Love is a win-win world for all, wherein we are all doing our part, contributing positively and in balance with the interwoven web of life.

How Pilgrimage, Plant Medicine, and Animal Spirit Allies Can Help Guide You

While going through old writings recently, I came across an account from my first pilgrimage to Wirikuta, the Huichol holy land where their sacred cactus peyote grows,  which just coming out of Easter is timely to read. Easter celebrations center around the themes of death and rebirth and my experience with the Huichol on this pilgrimage center on the same themes.

We were camped for the night at Ruinas Quemada, ancient ruins where hundreds of years ago a major victory was won in a shamanic battle against Huichol enemies. That evening, sitting around Grandfather Fire Spirit, Tatewarí, I entered a visionary state with the help of sacred plant medicine, that was a powerful teaching on how pilgrimage, plant medicine, and animal and spirit allies can help guide you.

 It was a beautiful clear night, the stars seemed closer and brighter for the lack of distracting city lights.  A Huichol mother nursed her baby, the shaman prayed in her Native language against the silence of the dark surrounding desert. The feeling was peaceful, serene. I was transfixed by  the sublime beauty of these ancient rhythms. It could have been ten thousand years ago. My bliss was disturbed when I experienced a rattlesnake crawling out of the desert and entering my body. Suddenly I was the snake itself! I felt no fear or anxiety, just awe and curiosity wondering what was coming next. It didn’t take long to find out. Just as I was adjusting to being a six foot long rattlesnake, an Eagle swooped down and snatched me up in its talons.  The eagle flew straight up into night sky into total immersion with the sun. My awareness dissolved into oneness with light. There was only light.  It was ecstasy.

I do not know how much time passed in this state that knew no time before before I gradually  became aware of  seeing a  body lying on the ground by the fire.  All others were asleep except the shaman, still praying softly for the pilgrims.  To my surprise I slowly realized it was my sleeping body  in its physical form as tomás that I was seeing. In the next instant, I was back in my body.  

 I didn’t get much sleep that night, excited by what I had just experienced going over it again and again in my mind trying to understand the medicine of two new power animals and a solar immersion journey. I felt blessed and grateful. 

The next day I was talking to some  elders about what I had seen in the vision, and then that's when they told me about Quetzalcoatl, the revered feathered serpent spiritual teacher for the people of ancient MesoAmerica. They said it stood for solar light whose energy was mystically connected with the morning star and that  it was 

Quetzalcoatl who had brought me medicine in the dream time. The serpent represents the Earth, the eagle the Sky, upper world and lower joined together in a sacred union as a transformational figure who, like Jesus for Christians, also died and was reborn.  The figure of the feathered serpent can be seen on Mexican dollar bills and coins.  It was the sign to the ancient Aztecs, the  Anáhuac, that indicated where they were to build their capital city  Tenochtitlan, on Lake Texcoco. Quetzalcoatl, death and resurrection,  sacred marriage of seemingly opposites, solar journey into infinite light, new power animals, not bad for one night of visionary dreaming.  

This medicine from many years ago lives in me today reminding me of spiritual resources and powers by which to live a good life.  I share this account of medicine gifts with you in support of your sacred journey in which we all seek to Wake Up, Wise Up and Live Love Now. May it be so!

On Cultural Appropriation

I have spent a lifetime exploring deeper reality, deeper meaning, deeper being. Towards that end, I traveled around the world seeking out spiritual elders and Indigenous medicine people who still practiced the traditional, life-honoring ways passed on to them by their ancestors. Above, I am on pilgrimage with the Huichol people with whom I completed a 13-year apprenticeship culminating in my being named a Mara'akame (shaman), a term I still use with humility, respect, and great reverence and gratitude.

From my Indigenous teachers and mentors, I learned that right-relationship means that taking without giving back in equal measure is cultural theft, appropriation, and a continuation of colonialist exploitation. What is called for in giving back has to do with developing an ally relationship in which there is mutual respect and exchange. This entails understanding how the ideology of colonialist, white supremacy results in discriminatory, racist policies that are embedded in social, educational, economic, and health institutions that privilege Caucasians and oppress people of color.

I was taught about sacred reciprocity, how to give before taking. I learned to meaningfully help address issues of concern, which have included a range of offerings from being willing to make a commitment to apprenticeship for a set number of years, to bringing food, clothing, medical supplies, and financial support; to chopping wood and anything else I could to do help prepare for ceremonies. Over the 60+ years I have been doing this work, I was called to learn about, and get involved with, programs addressing treaty violation, sovereignty, and social justice issues. I learned not to use certain words and ceremonial tools until I had been granted the right to do so; I learned that I needed to support demonstrations for justice however I could. Sometimes the contribution was transporting Elders to and from ceremonies, to stores, to medical appointments, or to banks to help with financial matters. Sometimes it was helping to raise funds for whatever was most needed by the people.

The point is to create a respectful ally relationship where there is a balance between giving and taking, the exact opposite of how Eurocentric culturally-conditioned Caucasians have typically interacted with Native People, starting with violently taking their lives and their land and displacing them to reservations (usually on the worst land around), as well as taking aspects of their spirituality and culture for personal benefit without giving anything back in exchange.

GIVING BACK

What I am able to share with you is because of the sharing and passing on of knowledge that was shared with me. Please consider supporting:

• the Huichols of the Sierra Madre mountains in Mexico, who played a critical role in my spiritual journey. The Huichol are a small tribe of approximately 35,000 living in central western Mexico near Ixtlan in the Sierra Madre Mountains. They are said to be the last tribe in North America to have maintained their pre-Columbian traditions. Huichol mara’akame (shamans) and healers practice today as they have for generations. Please help them build a water well to meet basic survival needs, and live out the dream of my “grandmother” Guadalupe de la Cruz, a visionary matriarch who hoped to create a vibrant community space where people could gather, where her family could carry on the rich traditions of the Wixarika people, and where ceremonies could be held to honor their heritage.

• and/or the Noke Kôi of the Peruvian Amazon, with whom I have recently been blessed to connect. Unlike many other tribes that were influenced by the "Yaras" (White people), the Noke Koi still preserve their traditional ways and only a few speak Portuguese – their native tongue is Nokevana and it is spoken by everyone in the tribe. They work with different plant medicines and are widely known as the original people of Kambô, which is used for healing various illnesses among their people.

With deepest gratitude for all of the Indigenous peoples who have been, and those who still are, carriers of wisdom teachings, reminding us of European descent how to be in right relationship with and as part of Nature; how to live in balance, as part of an interconnected one; whose cultural heritage and deep connection to and with Nature have inspired and enlightened me in countless ways; and whose sharing I committed to carrying on and strive to uphold every day.

Truth Poem from Retreat

stole

land

killed

scalped

infected

blankets w/ smallpox

deliberately

destroying

cultures

ten thousands

years

old

People who loved

their children

honored their Elders

Killed by lance of

avarice

greed

minds

honoring

gold

forsaking

soul

much lost

people endured

survived

carried forward

ways of the land

passed on

through generations

making

a stand

listen

stories

songs

struggling

to be heard

open

heart

humble

mind

listen

hear

ocean roar

birds soar

people

remember

follow

teaching way

Great

Sacred

Tree

land

to

heal

voice

to hear

those

who

remember

how

to

be.

With great gratitude to my teachers and mentors, many of whom became what Mits Aioki and Aunty Fay taught me to call my Calabash Family…

• Arvol Looking Horse, J.C. Eaglesmith, and Archie Fire Lame Deer, Lakota Pipe holders 

• Philip Deere, Muscogee medicine man

• Twylah Nitsch and Wolf Clan Mother, Seneca

• Doña Julieta, Mazateca curandera

• Thomas Banyacya and Grandfather David Monongaye, Hopi elders

• Babe Wilson, Pit River/Shasta

• Charlie Thom, Karuk

• Lanny Pinola, Irene Pinola, and Bun Lucas, Pomo-Miwok

• Mits Aioki and Aunty Fay, Hawaiian

• Anank, Bolivar, and Agustino, Ayahuascaros

• Peter Blue Cloud, Mohawk

• Rolling Thunder, Métis Cherokee

• Spotted Fawn, Shoshoni

• Bright Rope, Métis Apache

• Yogi Bhajan, Swami Satchitananda, and Eknath Easwaran, AC. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, and Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Hindu

• Richard Deer Track and Bob Boyll, Native American Indian Church

• Eduardo Calderon, Peruvian

• Guadalupe de la Cruz, Tacho, Andrea, José Carillo, Presciliano, Ramaldo, Pedro, Maria, Laura, Jose, Paula, Eberta, Domingo, Manuela, and Don Jose Matchua, Huichol

Thank you also to the following Indigenous elders who not only shared their teachings and ceremonies with me, but also with my daughters Kimberly Danek Pinkson and Nicole Pinkson MacNaughton:

• Rolling Thunder, Métis Cherokee

• Oh Shinnah Fastwolf, Métis Apache

• Lanny Pinola, Irene Pinola, and Bun Lucas, Pomo-Miwok

• Guadalupe de la Cruz, Huichol

• Doña Julieta, Mazateca curandera

With deep respect for the Elders, the wisdom keepers of times past, and today, I acknowledge gratefully and humbly that I live and work on the unceded territory of the Chumash people, who have stewarded this land for generations. I honor their rich cultural heritage, deep connection to the land, and their ongoing contributions to this region. I recognize the continued resilience of the Chumash people and commit to supporting Indigenous sovereignty and rights. Please join me.

What I Learned from My 49th Year of Vision Quest

Studying, teaching, and practicing shamanic wisdom, working with nature, and plant spirit medicine, I carry on a lineage passed on to me through Indigenous elders who reached out to me. The Vision Quest tradition is a powerful rite of passage I am grateful to share each year, this year, what I learned from my 49th year of Vision Quest.

“Do you want some medicine?” the frog asked the mouse. “Then crouch down as low as you can and jump as high as you can.” Jumping Mouse did as he was instructed, goes the story in Cheyenne writer Hyemeyohsts Storm’s classic book, Seven Arrows.

Jumping Mouse crouched. He jumped. The wind caught him and carried him higher. “Do not be afraid. Hang on the the Wind and Trust!” said the frog."

I had my trust muscle worked really hard when up to a few days before this 49th year of leading Vision Quest was about to start—I still did not have a site to go to. Given our new home in Southern California and the impacts of climate change, I tried to find a questing site closer to Santa Barbara than my usual sites over the years out of Tuolumne Meadows in Yosemite High Country. I was limited to trying to find one without being able to explore it physically because of a damaged ankle hurting from an earlier exploration when my foot slipped off a rock trying to cross a river in the Matillija Canyon without getting wet. My leg slammed into the water jamming several feet down into the river bed stopping my fall. No broken bones but severely sprained ankle so I couldn’t walk more than a few steps.

On top of that, one prospective site after another literally washed out when roads up into the mountains were closed due to landslides and flooding. Each failure led to increasing stress as the date got closer and closer and still no site. Every day, there was more desperation in my prayers to Kayumari Deer Spirit to be led to a site that worked for our needs. Anxiety, fear, what if I had to cancel it with people flying in from the east coast and driving down from SF? Ahhh! No!

Give thanks to Kayumari for bringing in the perfect place even though you don’t know where it will be. Keep giving thanks and stay strong in faith that it is on its way! This said the wisdom voice. Two days before folks were to arrive, a doorway opened for a quest site on private land just outside of Joshua Tree National Monument. No one lived on the land but the owners had allowed it to be used for thirty years of Native American Church Ceremonies, sweat lodge ceremonies and even some Huichol ceremony. After talking with the owner I got her OK and wow, huge relief and gratitude! Finally, I could look forward to the adventure of exploring and learning about a new area to see what medicine teachings and power it might hold.

The site was perfect for me because we could drive our cars down five miles of dirt road, park and walk a hundred yards to a ceremonial fire pit with access to water so I didn’t have to try and backpack in somewhere on an injured ankle that was hurting. Praise be.

I loved being back again in the kind of high desert I first saw when I was five years old. My mother had moved my sister and I to LA two years after my dad died to live with my grandparents. One of the first places we visited soon after arriving was Palm Springs. Imagine what those big open spaces looked to a kid from the sidewalks and skyscrapers of New York City. The high desert was to play a significant role in my growth when I spent time at medicine man Rolling Thunder’s community, Meta Tantay, which means “go in peace” in Chumash, outside of Carlin, Nevada for my first in-depth immersion in Native American spirituality over fifty years ago. It was here that I first learned the Chumash Welcome Song that I sing at retreats and quests and in my daily prayers starting each day.

A quote from Jeremy Lent in his book The Web of Meaning, perfectly addresses why I go on quest, and have gone, for forty-nine years: "We need to wake up and understand our collective identity and change the lens by which we see the world.”

Immersing in a setting of beauty and power in the the natural world, sleeping on Mother Earth, the sky above, fasting in solitude for several days and nights, being threshed by wind, weather, physical suffering and uninterrupted time for introspection, along with sharing time with other questers for ceremony around Grandfather Fire, helps me change my lens to see wider, deeper, clearer and gain wisdom gifts that emerge from a state of humility, receptivity, patience and attention to all that occurs.

Storm speaks about the Medicine Wheel and how each of us has a beginning place on the wheel through our birth which gives us our most natural way of perceiving and understanding.

• Mouse People in the South see and feel with innocence only what is right there in front of or below them. They see the small and close vision.

• Bear People in the West see through introspection and intuition, gifts of the Looks Within Place.

• Buffalo People in the North see and understand with the mind, thinking and reflecting about things.

• Eagle People in the East see the far and wide, the larger vision, with illumination.

No one way is better than the other. All are needed if one seeks to walk in balance and wholeness understanding other ways of seeing and knowing then the one you were born into. The vision quest is an opportunity to travel around the Medicine Wheel to experience and learn of the other ways along with the medicine power that comes from below, Mother Earth, and above, Father Sky, along with the power in the center from which all the other medicine ways come from, the Source, Great Spirit.

My questing time always brings new assignments and the opportunity to review the assignments I got the previous year to see how I did with them and what needs tending to make sure they are completed with honor and integrity. The gift of grace that brought me and the other questers to spend six days in the place we ended up in brings overwhelming gratitude. Why? Because it was truly awesome. The power of the fierce wind at night. The stunning silence when the wind stopped and no birds sang, no planes flew over, was mind-blowing. Awesome. I could hear the earth, the cosmos, breathing.

The vast vista looking down from the mountains above Joshua Tree down into the expansive desert terrain below, the cholla cactus, the Joshua Trees, the amazing shapes and configurations of huge boulders, the high-flying flocks of ravens, crow, vultures and occasional hawks or eagles, the fantastic cloud formations gliding across the sky, all wove together to create a tapestry of beauty that was filled with medicine power and teachings. Here is a poem that reflects my experience.

winds stop
silence profound
no planes
rocks abide
silent symphony
listen -

Great Grandmother Growth
Takutsi Nakaway in Huichol
can you hear Her breathe?

aikido teaching
“move like clouds”
Tao flow
blending
slowly
tenderly
gently
softly

Joshua trees
little bees
coyotes howl
vultures
twirl
“not yet!”
says I"

time
will
come
but
today
let us
pray

today
let us
play

Mythologist Michale Meade advises that “in troubled times, follow the Way of the Heart, heal wounds and find visions trying to enter the world to heat its wounds.” This is precisely what happens for me on quest time and I get that it is not just me that this happens for when I listen to questers share their experience on our last night together. Mouse appears in the sacred fire as one person talks about mouse, eagle appears in the fire as I listen to the words of each relative who was courageous enough to undertake the experience. Three generations. Three men and three women. A twenty year old just starting out, a man and a woman in their thirties, a man and a woman in their fifties and the old codger, me, bringing up the rear.

Medicine from altered state of dreams and sharing of other questers, medicine that soaks into us from the power that is there in the ancient lands carved by millions of years of weather, and rock-spirits, what the elders call the Stone People, the oldest people, the ones who carry the history of the planet, pour their rejuvenating energy into opened minds, bodies, hearts and spirits. It fills me up. Charges my batteries by plugging into the main power source for days and nights on end under star filled skies or dark skies threatening to wreck storm upon us that miraculously, prayers answered, pass us bye and allow questers time to head out to their spots that have called them and set up their tents without the challenges of storming rain and wind. Prayers answered allowing us to have time around Tatewari, Grandfather Fire Spirit, for our ceremonies, our meals and hanging out in leisure after return from our time in solitude and breaking fast. Praise be for all these gifts of grace. Praise be for your prayers and support. A million thank-you's.

Sharing some medicine that came through that might have meaning for you:

***** In troubled times with many threats to life and the truth that no matter what you do you won’t survive, focus on thrive instead, which means finding what feeds the soul of your heart and the heart of your soul for that is what will bring you joy, peace and fulfillment.

***** The importance of honoring the spirits and ancestors of the lands where you live so for us in the desert it is the Luiséno, the Serrano, the Cupenos, the Cahuilla, the Mojave and the Chemehuevi.

***** A new spirit ally, the Splicer, whose medicine empowers my ability to cut through obstacles.

***** Dream guidance to live integrity of love light that can disarm potential threats.

***** Taking greater ownership of the download I have received from the Starlight Ohana Transmission on Psychedelic Shamanism.

***** Dream guidance raising the reality that we have stolen from people of color and the question of how to repay for what we have stolen.

***** Dream guidance on the importance of not responding to challenging others (right-wing Proud Boys, fundamentalist Christians evangelicals pushing their way as the only way, or whatever it is for you) with polarizing judgment, but instead, by trying to understand through dialogue what experiences and wounds have fueled their fears and what needs they are trying to meet by their actions so we can connect with our shared common humanity

***** And lastly, also from the Dreaming, of which quest time is such a rich stimulus for what is called Big Dreams, comes this message:

You are capable of amazing things your rational mind and ego-based identity doesn't think is possible. YOU are amazing. Do not drop garbage thoughts on your divine self or on other divine beings tarnishing our shared divinity. Instead, come back to the wisdom guidance frog gives mouse in the Seven Arrows story.

Crouch down as low as you can go, then jump as high as you can go. The wind will catch you and carry you up. Do not be afraid. Trust. Let Go. Relax. Surrender. You are being carried. You are more than you think you are.

May this brief sharing of this year’s vision quest medicine support you in your daily vision questing with the challenges and joys of your life. May we all show up to do our part to perceive, understand and live from the truth of who we are, and what we are, honoring the purpose of our being here doing our part to help heal the Sacred Hoop of Live and create the kind of healthy and just, peaceful and harmonious, beautifully diverse, WinWinWorld we are capable of creating.

Next year, Spirit willing, back to the sacred High Desert for quest number fifty. May it be so!

10 Principles of Shamanism and Spiritual Medicine Teachings

There are 10 key principles of shamanism and spiritual medicine teachings that we can access through psychedelics, mindfulness, ceremony, rites of passage, and plant medicine.

1. The Earth, the cosmos, all of creation is alive, conscious and interwoven in a seamless web of interconnectedness. It is all One with Infinite Spirit, which means you are one with divinity.

2. Reciprocity is sacred and critical to living in harmony and balance. You are responsible to do your part in maintaining harmony and balance by giving back to spirit, not just taking. To stay alive, you must take in nourishment. To stay alive and in good mental and spiritual health, you must give back before you take. Give thanks. Take action. Live in sacred reciprocity.

3. You matter. You are not here by accident. You have sacred purpose in being here with a heart path that will lead you to completion in this life, if you have the courage to be a Wisdom Warrior.

4. You are entrusted with spiritual gifts and it is your responsibility to develop and share those gifts with all beings.

5. You have access to the infinite, creative, wisdom-power energy of the universe. You can tap into this power anytime to live as you are meant to.

6. You are not alone. Not only do you have the circle of sacred family and friends that walk beside you, you also have totem allies and ancestor spirits to help you in your work and life.

7. There are spiritual energies that come to us through grace from each of the seven directions of the universe - the medicine wheel. Give thanks to the powers of the East, the powers of the South, the powers of West, the powers of the North. Give thanks to the powers above, below, and at the center of it all, Great Spirit.

8. You are here to serve higher will, not ego

9. Life is not about surviving. Life is about waking up and thriving through skillful use of alternate states of consciousness, to polish up the stardust from whence you came, so you can live love now.

10. We are multidimensional spiritual beings having a human experience. We are love and our love is for giving.

Using psychedelics, mindfulness, ceremony, rites of passage, and plant medicine as tools to open up to infinite power of the universe will inspire you to live love now, a richer and more rewarding and sustainable way of being.

How to Make a Prayer Arrow

The Prayer Arrow ceremony is a tradition taught to me by my Huichol mentor. It is a ceremony for planting prayers of gratitude and seeds of intention. My family and I do this every New Year, and I invite you to join me as we move into this New Year.

You can fill it with prayers on your own, or invite family and friends to contribute their prayers. Juice up your prayer arrow with gratitude, love, and intentions. Plant your arrow into the Earth on New Year’s Day.

May this year bring more love, kindness, peace, and justice into your life and our one, shared world. Dearest Relatives,

The Prayer Arrow ceremony is a medicine ritual taught to me by my Huichol mentor, during my X# of years going on pilgrimage. It is a ceremony for planting prayers of gratitude and seeds of intention.

You can use the Prayer Arrow ritual to consciously transition into a new year, clarifying and strengthening your intentions with the powers of creation. 

My family and I do a Prayer Arrow ceremony every New Year, and I invite you to join me as we move into 2023. Below is a video on how to make a prayer arrow for the New Year.

You can fill it with prayers on your own, or invite family and friends to contribute their prayers. Juice up your prayer arrow with gratitude, love, and intentions. Plant your arrow into the Earth on New Year’s Day.

May you weave wisely, plant strongly and act on your guidance with compassion, kindness and joy.

All Blessings for the new year coming and your fullest blossoming and greatest good.

Honoring Fathers

On this day honoring fathers I give thanks that I was blessed in this life to have two good fathers, Fred who died at 39, Ray who lived into his eighties, along with Alphose from Hungary, my father in law, another good father, who also lived into his eighties.

Loving, caring, responsible men who valued their families and family life, I am honored today, to be honoring fathers. They were all good role models who lived their values with integrity, with generosity and with open hearts.  As a boy growing up i did not have too many memories of my first dad Fred for he died just before my fourth birthday.  Once looking through a photo album of my mother I found a card written to my dad on the occasion of my birth from a close friend who had served with him in the Spanish Civil War fighting against the fascism of Franco.  

The words seared into my soul: “Little Tommy, may you grow up to be half the man your old man was.”  I do not think I have achieved that for Fred, Ray and Alphonse were giants in my eyes. They all showed up to major challenges of their lives in truly heroic ways so I honor them today, and every day at my ancestor altar, drawing strength to try and show up in my life along the path they illuminated about how good men live and treat others.

Today I also honor all fathers who did the best they could to father the lives they helped bring through. I honor too the masculine fathering principle that many women have had to step into in the absence of fathering help and all those uncles, brothers and friends who have stepped into the breach as needed to father and support children and the mothers who raise them.  

Finally I honor “Our Father who art in Heaven”, which is within us all as the holy light that is our soul giving us the opportunity to be here for our time of now fathering, protecting, supporting and celebrating this precious life we are given by grace.

ALL BLESSINGS TO FATHERS AND FATHERHOOD!

Spring Equinox and How to Manage Crises, in Ukraine and Your Life

TEND TO YOUR GARDEN
Everything starts with intention. On this opening to the energy of the spring equinox where light and dark are perfectly balanced, what seeds do you need to plant and tend in your garden using the rejuvenating growth power coming up from Mother Earth to balance out your life, to balance out evil, violence, selfishness and the illusions of separation?

THE POWER OF SPRING
The coming of spring brings a huge activating wisdom power pouring forth from the womb of Mother Earth growing new life. Should we try to control it? That is what Eurocentric culture has tried to do and we see how that has not worked very well.

What about trying to learn how activating wisdom works and how to work skillfully with it? This leads to another question: work with it to what ends? Especially now, with horror reigning down on innocent people in the Ukraine and all places violence and oppression are perpetrated against others. What seeds to plant when there is evil being done pushing reactivity buttons in any of us paying attention to what is happening in the world?

KEEP YOUR HEART OPEN
What is evil? Where does it come from? Evil is deliberately hurting someone else against their wishes for selfish gain. It is tempting to demonize the perpetrator but this only serves to feed the war in our minds, it doesn’t address the fear that underlies evil. Long ago, Jesus prayed as violence was perpetrated upon him, “Forgive them Father. They know not what they do." Closing the heart doesn’t serve healing. It doesn’t serve peace. It doesn’t serve justice.

LET GO OF SEPARATION
What is the root of the fear that drives evil acts? What is the root of suffering? Belief in the illusion of separation. Belief that we are separate beings, separate from one another, from the earth, from the cosmos, from spirit. Belief that we are what our egos tell us we are, that we are our bodies, our stories.

How about we plant the seed of realizing the true reality of reality? How about planting seeds for expanding, deepening, raising our awareness bandwidth to higher levels of intelligence accessing attunement with the wisdom consciousness of the universe? What if we plant seeds to release the false self and connect with the true self, agape love, the deepest part of who and what we are that is interwoven/interconnected with all of creation? Seeds for “we” instead of “me”?

STAND UP FOR GOODNESS
How about we not waste the many crises that push our reactivity buttons so that even if as a last resort, after all efforts at peace have failed and we have to use violence to stop a bully, as in the Ukraine today, we enter combat to stand up for justice, we stand up to protect the innocent, we stand up for goodness? We do what we need to do, what our soul duty calls us to do but we remember the wisdom guidance that Krishna gave to Arjuna on the eve of the great battle he was to wage against members of his family on the following day, wisdom of the great Indian holy book, the Bhagavad Gita, summed up in modern times by Ram Dass:

“Do what you need to do but don’t put anyone out of your heart.”

In other words, judge behavior, not being, or else you feed violence in the world by putting more energy into beliefs about separation which is the root cause of fear and suffering. The need for violence, for evil, for hurting others deliberately ends when we gain understanding of our essential unity wherein hurt to another is hurt to ourselves, our families, our children, and to all life alive today and yet to come.

COLLECTIVE COOPERATION
The desire to control others, to hold power over others dissolves when you know your own true nature and connection with all that is, understanding that in all interactions on all levels, the only real win is a win-win for all. This knowing leads to the desire, the motivation, the willingness to collectively cooperate with others, to willingly join with all beings to co-create a healthy and just, peaceful, equitable, beautifully diverse win-win world for all. You know, the kind of world we could create together when the forces that cause evil and violence are shape-shifted into that which serves fullest blossoming greatest good for all.

This means working on our own consciousness to keep our hearts open in the midst of terrible suffering in the world doing the inner peace work to end the war within ourselves so we can create response to our triggered reactions that truly serve healing, that truly serve higher will, and that honor our purpose in being here on the beautiful Mother Earth we are blessed to live on - to live the love that we are.

PLANT WISELY
May we all plant wisely remembering our membership in the Starlight Ohana, stardust brought to earth, brought to birth, brought to life. May we all plant seeds to polish up our stardust to shine the light that we are, the light of infinite, unconditional cosmic consciousness love carrying our hearts through the world like a life-giving sun.

Prayers for peace, for justice, in our hearts and in the world, for Healing of the Sacred Hoop. Let love live, let if flow, let it grow. Aho.

Here is an excerpt from a Spring Equinox community gathering, reflecting on the power you hold to plant positive seeds (don't mind the doggies in the background adding their blessing):

Green Lake Vision Quest Teachings

“One of the uses of the physical world is a contemplative one: it provides insight into the invisible revealed by things that are made.”
- St. Augustine

Home from my 48th year of vision questing immersed for six days in nature by a beautiful lake surrounded by majestic mountains in the High Sierra. Catching up on my mail a headline in the 2021October issue of Scientific American catches my eye, “A mismatch between theory and experiment from muons points to possible new particles and forces of nature.” Hmmm. “forces of nature.” I was just emerged for six days and nights out in “the forces of nature" all around me, above me, below me. Reading the article I am curious to see if what scientists studying nature inside laboratories fits in anyway with what I have been studying about nature while actually in nature. My tools were looking, feeling, sensing, listening and contemplation of what I was experiencing. 

Contemplation, described by author Tim Lilburn in his book Living In the World As If It Were Home, is "an insistent noetic desire to understand the world as message bearing…an inquiry into the nature of reality…opening to the singing and dreaming of things for the world, by hints, helps us unravel the meaning of an infinite mind.”  This is precisely the kind of contemplation and understanding I cultivate on vision quest. Speaking of understanding, muons are subatomic particles produced by cosmic rays in earth’s atmosphere, 10,000 of which pass through our bodies every minute without any conscious awareness of their passage. That is a lot of action to be unaware of, to say the least.  What else passes through us unnoticed as we go about our daily lives? To answer that question I go into nature -  mountains, forest and desert to pursue contemplative knowing that in Lilburn's words, "does not seek to subdue the world but to dwell in it ... a homecoming to what is ... a mind humbled and sharpened, made keen for love." 

I go on quest  to open and attune to whatever presents itself which consistently elicits a confrontation with my reactivity patterns and shadow. Sound grim? It is, for awhile, but those are the guardians at the gate that I have to face in order to open the attunement channel to the "forces of nature". This work feeds my soul. It charges my spiritual batteries. It also challenges me with homework, to integrate the quest insights gained from contemplative knowing into my ongoing life.

I entered this quest as I was transitioning into my twelfth, seven year cycle turning 77 in January of 2022. I sought guidance on what is most important for me to pay attention to as I enter this new cycle. If I make it to the end of it I will be eighty-four years old and who knows what kind of shape I will be in then and what kind of shape the world will be in as well. Given a recent fall, slamming into the concrete side of the neighborhood pool when my leg mysteriously slipped out from under me and just missed smashing my head into the side as well, what I call Death Making A Gesture, I am just happy to be alive now and able to put one foot in front of the other. If I had hit my head there was a good chance it could have knocked me out and I would have drowned in the pool. There was no one else there. I felt blessed to be alive and able to go on quest instead of being dead or home in a full body cast for months immobilized by broken bones.

I was totally out of condition with no exercise of any kind for six weeks due to the demands of travel and the fall two weeks prior, painfully bruising my left side ribs, thigh and calf. Fortunately nothing broken but hard to breathe. I didn’t know if I would be able to carry a backpack over miles of uphill hiking to the quest site located at nine thousand feel elevation. Driving the six and a half hour to meet the eight other questers I hoped for the best but also prepared myself mentally to accept that I might not be able to make it, I might have to remain by myself in the parking lot while the others went on ahead. I download some of my gear to several younger and stronger questers who offered to help carry my heaviest gear, my bear canister filled with food, and a few other items. I hoist up my pack, strap in and stand up. My body seems to be ok with it. I take some Advil as preventative medicine and off we go. Everything is working. Hooray! Now to get there.

The trail into the destination lake that was to be our quest site was about four miles as the crow flies, following a gurgling creek through forest of aspen and pine, towering mountains on either side of us as we began the thousand foot elevation climb towards our destination. It didn’t take long to feel the effects of the altitude, light-headed, wobbly and weak. We went slow, stopping as needed, which became more and more needed by myself and two others as we gained altitude. It didn’t take long to feel exhausted. Stop. Rest. Drink some water. Hike a few hundred more yards and then stop to rest again. Like a little kid on a car trip, my mind keeps wondering, "How much further to go?" Keep hiking. Suffering builds in muscles, legs, my back, labored breathing.

“OK, I get it. This is part of the vision quest medicine”, I think to myself My challenge is to find a way to accept the fact of suffering but not let it overwhelm me. Find a way to enjoy being alive and being in these beautiful mountains even though physically I am a wreck. “Be thankful you are here. That at your age you can still do this. Remember you are not your body, your feelings, your thoughts, your exhaustion. You are spirit. Love now. It is the only time you can. Be fully present for each rise and fall of every footstep. You can do this. Call on spirit, call on the strength of these mountains to help you keep going. Remember, a spiritual warrior uses everything to grow in the ways they want to grow. You want to be more peaceful, more joyful, more loving. Do it now while under this stress. Deconstruct your ego’s attempt to feel sorry for itself. You are not your ego so go deeper. Connect with strength that comes from faith that with spirit’s help you can make it there. Don’t try to do it just on your own.”

I thank my body for the hard work it is doing. “Just get me there and then you won’t have to move again until five days when it's time to hike back out from the mountains to return home. Get there, set up the tent, lay out the sleeping bag and boom, no more physical effort other than walking down to the lake to get fresh water or walking back away from the lake far enough to empty bladder and bowels without endangering the the waters we were all dependent upon for our supply of water."

I almost made it. One hundred yards from basecamp my calves cramp up something terrible. I knew if I walked another step my legs would give out from under me and I would crash to the ground with my still heavy pack adding momentum to my fall. A gift of grace arrived as one of our group who had already reached basecamp and unloaded their pack had walked back to see if anyone needed help. I did. He took my pack which allowed me to walk the final distance unburdened by extra weight. I still barely made it, but I did. I had trouble setting up my tent because my mind and body weren’t working so well. Some of my cylinders weren’t firing. I had to sit down, lean against a granite boulder and just be for awhile. Drink some water. Eat a remaining energy bar that I pulled out of my pants pocket. Gradually I got it together enough to assemble my tent, unfurl my sleeping bag, blow up my sleeping pad and flop down onto the support of the ground totally spent and wiped out. But I was here. Praise Be. I was here.

What a place to be. A gorgeous lake, majestic mountains, blue sky, amazing pine trees rising up into the heights while some non-conformist ones twisted in different shapes as if doing T’ai Chi and holding their positions. It looked like heaven to me.

It was late afternoon by the time I got enough energy to sit up and cook some dinner. There was some smoke from the big fires down south. If by chance fire came to this place we would be stuck. We’d have to get in the cold lake and hope it passed through before hypothermia took us out. Not a pleasant thought. I gave thanks for the courageous firefighters, prayed for their safety, and that those of us camped here would also be safe. The sun went down behind the mountains pretty early, we were two days away from the fall equinox. It got cold quickly, even with all my warm clothing on. We couldn’t make a fire because huge fires raged to the north and south as California suffered from drought conditions, high winds and lightning sparked blazes that were destroying thousands of acres and anything in their way. We did a brief circle sharing about our intentions for our quest, then get into our tents and sleeping bags to keep whatever warmth we still had in our bodies from slipping away readying ourselves for a long night. Totally exhausted I fall asleep shortly thereafter listening to big winds howl around the high peaks.

My tent set up at basecamp, a short walk from the lake.

The next day we were all up for a sunrise ceremony, the sky clear, the lake radiant with sunbeams dancing across the surface. We sat in circle doing a give away ceremony and then each of the eight questers took off for their solo site to reunite again on Friday morning to break fast and share the teachings that came through the time of solitude. I followed each person out to their site so I knew where they were just in case something happened where I needed to call everyone together. Returning finally to basecamp I could now release into my own solitude time. I collapsed into my camp chair situated just so between sunlight and shade that I had the best of both worlds. I close my eyes and drift off so happy to be alive, given my fall and near miss of being knocked out and drowning. I am so thankful I could make it up here, no broken bones, no cast, no major aches or pains from the hike in.

Several hours later I awake to the sound of people talking. I jump up and peer down the trailhead. Headed towards me are several backpackers unaware of my presence. I walk up to the trail head and slowly head towards their approach. They stop when they see me. I greet them letting them know there are people camped ahead seeking solitude for two days and nights on a vision quest. They get it. They tell me they are just passing through on their way to a further lake and will take a higher trail to miss the questers camped at various point along the lake hidden in the trees. I am relieved and return to basecamp. I mostly spend the afternoon in my camp chair relaxing, dozing, letting my fatigue slowly dissipate. Other than trips down to the lake to refurbish my canteen I am still, very still. Gotta stay hydrated at higher elevations even though you don’t feel thirsty.

Dark comes early on this first day of fall. The sun retreats behind the high peaks and cold fills the valley. I stay outside all bundled up as long as I can bear the cold waiting for the first stars to come out. When the first few appear I give thanks for their company and enter my tent and sleeping bag to try and conserve what little body heat I still maintain. I say prayers for the protection and good medicine of the questers, my family, friends and people who have asked for me to pray for them. I give thanks to the nature spirits and ancestor spirits of this beautiful place, pick up a book that jumped out at me when I stopped at a bookstore in Truckee on the drive here - Joy Harjo’s Anthology of Native Nations Poetry. In my still present exhaustion I fall asleep after reading a few pages.

In every year of my questing the first night on solo brings with it a dark night of the soul. It happens every time. It seems I have to first face and work with my shadow energies in order to access the wisdom medicine of the quest. I can’t get to the light it unless I face the darkness. This time  suffering starts with physical pain, tendonitis in the hamstring of my left leg. I can’t get comfortable in my tight sleeping bag. Then dry mouth. Hard to breathe. It hurts my bruised ribs. I drink water hoping to  ameliorate what feels like cotton stuck all over my tongue. Then I have to pee.  It's a cycle that keeps repeating itself.  Miserable. Feel sorry for myself. Angry. “I’m never going to do this again. I don’t need this suffering!”
 

I thrash and turn wishing for sleep but no such luck. Another addition to my misery comes  deep into the night when I hear a group of noisy men hike in to camp very close to one of my fellow questers, a young woman of 35  who was very anxious to have a secluded site where she felt safe and protected. When I heard the men I cringed. Damnit. Now her quest is ruined. Total bummer. Fucking guys! Why couldn’t they go somewhere else. Why do they have to be so loud and obnoxious. It’s the middle of the night for shit’s sake!”

I felt called to rush over there immediately  and ask them to please quiet down letting them know about the nearby quester. I shivered at the thought. It was dark and cold outside of my sleeping bag.  It would be  treacherous finding my way through the woods, not bumping or tripping over rocks and route finding  over two creeks to get there safely, and back. I decided to wait until sunrise.  I worried about what to say to them,  how they might respond. More anger and resentment for this suffering they were causing me, all their fault.

This makes for a pretty good meal of “upset-stew”. Just what the doctor ordered confronting me to look at how I fuel my suffering. “You know tomás, this is all just perfect. It’s coyote trickster-medicine pushing your reactivity buttons so you get a chance to work your intentions under pressure. You know, your intentions you state every morning upon awakening, 'I am a joyful, kind, patient, , fluidly flowing, grateful, adaptable peaceful man of light and love. I am one with the Universe, I am one with You’. How are you doing with all of that right now?” Obviously not so good yet those are the qualities of consciousness and being that I want to grow and experience more consistently in my life.

Of course wanting those qualities elicits conditions that trigger my relativity patterns that produce the opposite of those desired qualities, stick them in my face and say, “OK mister, now what? Are you going to keep fueling your suffering with your poor-me victim stories or are you going to use everything that is happening, everything you are feeling, as  opportunity for transformational work shapeshifting your misery  into joy, peace and tranquility?"

That’s it, right here. My medicine guidance for what is most important for me to pay attention to as I enter my 12th of seven year cycles - how to create responses to things not going the way my ego wants them too, responses to getting interrupted, blocked or negated due to internal or external circumstances. I start by reminding myself that none of what is happening is by accident. I remind myself that Great Spirit is present in all situations seeking to bring through FFGG - Fullest Blossoming Greatest Good, but needing me to show up to do my part to make it be so. “Right now is the only time you can experience whatever you want to experience so find a way to pull the plug on the self-pity, upset stories. Breathe out and release the energies of constriction, resistance, uptightness and inflammation. Breathe in peace, send out love. Keep doing it for as long as it takes. One breath at a time. In. Out. Peace. Love.”

Slowly my energy state starts to shift. Positive thoughts  enter my consciousness. “Those noisy campers have just as much right to be here as you. They are enjoying themselves, having a good time. You know what that is like. Have faith. Surrender to divine presence. Trust that the questers whose solitude is being interrupted will recognize that what is challenging them about the situation is part of the medicine of their quest. What is triggered in them is theirs to work on. Trust the process. Trust them. Trust spirit working in them. Trust that there is a deeper wisdom beneath it all and that each of us has the potential to access it. Now do your work.

Remember, when you are triggered you are asleep, stuck in ego identity and machine-like stimulus response patterns programmed into you unconsciously. Give thanks for the triggering. It offers opportunity to wake up. To really see what is happening. The situations that trigger you are tests of your spiritual curriculum. They offer opportunity to face and transform your reactivity and to consciously create a new experience for yourself based on love instead of fear, judgment and unconscious reactivity. Remember the song you sing at retreats - The sun returns, the sun returns, the sun returns ya-ho. Honor the darkness, feed your soul and you will surely grow. ”

Long slow deep breaths in and out. I repeat mantras, “Grace grows where gratitude flows”.  I  sing prayer  songs to soften my heart. “I’m sending you light, to help you remember. I’m sending you light, to hold you in love. I’m sending you light, to help you remember. I’m sending you light, to guide your way home. Love is the answer. Love is the key. Love is the healer. Let love flow through thee. Let love flow. Ya-wee. (thank you in the language of the Pomo indigenous people where I live in Northern California). I send love and compassion to my self, to the other questers, to my family, members of my groups, my  communities, to my ancestors, to the tree-people, to the lake and mountain spirits.  I remind myself to b be fully present in  all that I experience, to cultivate joy in being alive in this moment. I give thanks for it all.

Ever so slowly  I start to lighten up. But It’s still the middle of the night with no sleep. The dry, cotton-mouth still periodically makes my mouth feel like it is stuffed up with big wads of sticky cotton. It’s wearing me down. A final prayer, one of my big power ones I learned sitting bedside next to a dying friend many years before. “Holy Mother Mary of Miracles, Full of Grace, Thank You for Your Eternal Loving Embrace. Please send some healing light and love into my mouth to clear out this stuck energy.”

I visualize the Holy Mother sending a beam of her healing love into my mouth dissolving the sticky stuff. I visualize it working. I give thanks for the healing that is on the way making sure I am open to receive and welcome it making a good home for it so it can enter and do its job. It works. I fall asleep. Next thing I know a disturbing dream wakes me up to a new day.

In the dream I am furiously screaming at Andrea for committing me to something I didn’t want to do without her checking first to see if I was ok with it. I am possessed in anger, my prefrontal cortex highjacked by my reptilian brain. I cringe when I see how easily I can be triggered into this kind of violent expression that is so hurtful to me internally and to anyone on the receiving end of my wraith. The dream dramatically shows me that despite all the years of work on myself and catching myself from that kind of reactivity I still have that energy and reactive pattern deep inside of me. It has not gone away. “Face and own it tomás. This is part of you of your shadow. You still have a long way to go in taming this judgmental blame-others pattern.”

My body is tight and constricted. I take some cleansing breaths to release tension in my body resulting from the dream. I I do some simple stretches, get out of my sleeping bag, get dressed remembering I need to head over to where the camper guys are to alert them to the nearby presence of the young woman quester. I wonder how they will react to my news. It takes me awhile to hike around the lake to where I can now hear them just waking up. I walk into their camp.  They look surprised. I greet them and wish them  good morning. Six guys, buddies, who do something like this every year. Cool. I tell them about the young woman just over the rise and explain the quest. They respond kindly explaining they are just about to break camp and leave heading to another lake higher up in the mountains. “Whew”. Relief surges through me. Solitude restored. I wish them well and head back to my camp.

I don’t get to enjoy the good news for long because after fifty yards I hear new voices coming down the trail towards the lake. More people coming in heading towards base camp where my tent is pitched. I change my direction to head them off and alert them to the questers up ahead. They too respond with kindness and understanding. They detour to a higher trail that bypasses the quester sites. I thank them for your consideration and wish them well. I continue back to my site. Later and throughout the day more hikers come through. I hear them coming from far away so jump up to head them off before they reach the trail that leads down to where I and the other questers are located, tell them about quest and then let go to see how they respond. Without exception all are respectful and cooperative and take other trails to their destinations that will not disturb my compadres. I am very grateful but realize that part of my role on this quest is acting as Guardian at the Gate. So be it. I accept it for what it is, part of my medicine assignment, protecting others, just as I try to do with my prayers that each quester will be safe with good medicine coming through their time at their spot.

Finally some peace. I made it through the suffering of the hike in and the Dark Night of the Soul. The portal opens. I do my morning thanksgiving prayers to the seven directional powers of the medicine wheel then settle down into my camp chair to just be with all that is here in this incredible place of such beauty. The lake, the trees, the rocks, the spirits.

The mountain peaks, the big sky

Granite  boulders
 vibrating 
story of this land
pine trees
tall, short, old, young
bony ones stripped
of foliage
by lighting strike
disease
death

high peaks
thrusting
cliffs
summit
ridge line
circling
dark
blue-green
glimering
lake

The grandeur, the peace, the beauty of it all. Last remnants of smoke from fire far away fire now all gone. I stand up and face the now rising higher sun in the clear blue sky reciting aloud one of my daily prayers - “I consciously set my sails with humility, receptivity, flexibility, fluidity and gratitude to catch the breeze and waves of God’s grace, successfully making a sacred marriage with all that cross my path today (accepting it for what it is and getting its information on how to be with it in a good way) successfully opening the doorway for fullest blossoming and greatest good to come through for all, knowing, you, loving you and serving you (higher will, spirit) with joy, grace and gratitude." My slowing down vibrational rate aided by fasting, sleep deprivation, altitude and prayers opens awareness to attunement with the spirits of this amazing place. It’s golden time for the traffic cop, guardian-a-the gate with no one else around. I fill up with the radiating power so richly shared here by the forces of nature. 

Spirit images
emerge
with
slowing
down
time

interweaving

energy
tapestry 
wonderous
beings

this piece of wood

stand up from camp chair
mosey down to lake
two steps into my mosey
 piece of wood stops me
“I got something for ya”
stiff back
i bend over
pick it up

flat sliver
cuneiform figures
older than
Sumarian clay
tablets
way back time
written by
the old one
who knows how
to lay down
a message

nature’s way
speaks through
winter snows
summer
grows
autumn’s
fall
springs new
flows

“Read me,”
it
says
“Remember
what
is
truly
worth
remembering,”
it says.

Wind blasts

upper world
dragon mouths

stillness when it comes
winds rest
no noise
golden silence
peace abides
too precious
to miss
luxuriate

winds
return
cool
drafts
waft
valley
power
songs
majesty
might

sit still
watch
take in
energy/spirits
to

organ
to

bone

how best
to live
entering
77th
year
what
lies
ahead
what is
to
come

lived-out
pine
tree
bends
to
earth
time
grows
shorter

mountain
rises
falls

cosmic 
dance

wonder
of
now

I think back to how upset I got when I first heard other campers coming in to our site. How I judged them for their noise level, for being so obtrusive, so unconscious. How angry I got, how much I resented their presence. I think about how the indigenous peoples of this land might have felt when the first settlers came crashing into their lives.  Words come.

We stole
this land
scalped
poisoned trade blankets
raped
pillaged
decimated
 ancient cultures
nations
proud

people
with
dreams
who
loved
their
children
honored
their
elders

killed
by
lance
by avarice
greed
minds
who
honored
gold
but
forsooth
soul

“No way
leave
us
alone
go back where you
came from
learn
respect
humility
then
you
can
stay"

so much
lost
wisdom
poetry
art
cosmologies
understandings
gained
over
eons of time

how all
works
together
for good

when 

respected

so much
lost
but not
all
gone

people
endured
survived
how they could
carried
forth
ways of the
land
generations
making a
stand

hark to
stories
songs 
struggling
to be
heard
open

heart
mind 

roar
of
ocean
song
of
flyers
People
who know
how to
live
free

follow 
way
Great
Sacred
Tree

land
to  heal
listen
must
we
to those
who
remember
how
to
be

 winds
roar
back

 comes from the eagle

beating wings
sound waves power
go where they please
stirring earth’s cauldron
breath of the mighty

those who listen
gifts come galore
all that’s required -

open the door

lake calm
 winds 
sleep
gentle
 ripples
glide 
slowly
across
wide
water

mirror lake
holds mountain and stone
soft purring
peace

down
to
the bone
Afton to Gitchegoomee
water rolls on
bringing splendor
then
gone

wind roils
 waters

dance
divine
no  mankind marchings 
could ever intwine
 march of the waters
so 

sublime

I sit before a gnarled pine tree

spirit slowly speaks to me
 slow down
just thee and me
both of us energy
tree and me
quieter I get
the louder it speaks
not English
older

vibrations enter  eyes
electromagnetic currents reach into skull
 electrochemical flows fuel brain
making

virtual reality visions of what I “see”
as a tree

two living beings

getting getting to know each other
sunny crisp autumn day
Eastern Sierra
 here
this tree
me
sharing

intimacy

personal encounter
theophany 
deity manifestation

in
observable
way
eros
i'd say

contemplation

the

way

My fellow questers return from their sojourn Friday. We break fast. Spend the day how each is called. Share dinner that night and begin sharing our experiences. Sun sets, cold returns so into warmth of our tents and sleeping bags until morning. We greet the new day with sunrise ceremony, then sit in circle to complete our sharing. Each of us touched by soul testings, their own version of what I went through with my Dark Night of the Soul. Each also rewarded by medicine gifts - teachings, insights, challenges, healing and oh yes, of course, comes with the territory - homework! What is given on quest is to be brought home, integrated into the daily living of our lives. As my first Native teacher taught me, “Don’t go on quest unless you are willing to take more responsibility for your life. You will be tested when you come down from the mountain to see if you mean what you say. If you will live what you have been given.”

My tests start with the hike down the mountain. I go slow. Mindful steps. Frequent rest stops.  Fatigue returns. Shoulders ache, Thighs tremble. Suffering. “Ah yes, this is the start of bringing my quest medicine down the mountain. It is time to create a relationship with  suffering using gratitude to access joy." It helps immensely to see the colors of fall have come to the aspens, golden yellow leaves softly waving in the light breeze as we hiked along the trailhead. Magnificent beauty. Somebody knows what they are doing!

We don’t reach our cars to start the drive home until late in the afternoon. I knew I would be doing a good part of the drive in the dark and with my eyes already tired from my bodily fatigue.  Concern about staying awake and alert enough to safely navigate the demands of single lane  backcountry roads and then busy freeways. I hope all goes smoothly so I  get home before midnight. Not to be. Four tests to my peace of mind and hoped for time schedule to reach home. First a wreck that stops traffic. Further up a detour that slows traffic to a crawl. Total stoppage on the Richmond Bridge crossing the San Francisco Bay. Then my exit closed just as I am about to get off the freeway and finally make it home. I watch my reactivity emerge with each upset. “Perfect. The coyote trickster is giving me  opportunities to make a conscious decision - leave the quest medicine back in the mountains or bring it home, right here, right now, into these troubling disturbances busting my time estimates of when I will get home.”

“Let it all go tomás. Befriend what is happening. Befriend your reactivity. Create a response to it that opens your heart, that softens your tight body Accept what is without resistance. Welcome it in. Use it all to drop in deeper to connect with inner peace beneath the tumult on the surface. This is the only time you can live your intentions. Truth is you might never make it home so get on with your work right now sitting in your stopped car. Live the love that you are now. Clean out  thought-created  energy constriction  in your pipes. Use the quest medicine you were gifted with to shape-shift your reactivity. Wake up. Remember you are love and that your love is for giving. Get on with dude. That is why you are here. Polish up your stardust. Use this  stoppage time  to send love out to others. Find joy, create joy. Live it. Give thanks for all.  Live love now!”

I
do.
peace
returns
love
lives
home
safely
unload
give
thanks
hot shower 
comfy bed 
yay!

Next morning 

lying
still
dawn
light
beams
past
branches
angle
head
just so
close one eye
squint 

voila!

rainbow streams
dimensional
delight
yet
everyday lens
tight
clenches
soul
heart
closes
mind
poisons
land

what cha gonna
do?
what cha gonna
do?
make
a
stand
how
bout
a
dance?

do
we
even
have
a
chance

let

go
flow
slow
reap
what
you
sow.

didn’t
learn
anything
more
about
muons
but
soul
fed

gratitude

next
year
spirt
body
willing
strap
on
pack
head
out
up

in.

May it be so.

Part III: A Conversation with Michael Pollan

In this third part of a three-part series with The New York Times bestselling author, Michael Pollan, we explore cultural appropriation, healing, building spiritual community, and gratitude. The topics most relevant today in early Spring, with the plants coming out of hibernation, blossoming; as we leave the darkness of a Covid-19 winter and enter the rebirth of new life and new possibilities, the wisdom of cosmic cycles gifts us with increasing light and a vortex of creative power pouring up from the earth.

Mother Nature asks us, "What seeds do you want to plant in the garden of your life? What do you want to grow and nurture to fullest blossoming and greatest good?” I invite you to watch and listen to these conversations with Michael Pollan, holding these questions as your intention.

All blessings, Tom