Green Lake Vision Quest Teachings
“One of the uses of the physical world is a contemplative one: it provides insight into the invisible revealed by things that are made.”
- St. Augustine
Home from my 48th year of vision questing immersed for six days in nature by a beautiful lake surrounded by majestic mountains in the High Sierra. Catching up on my mail a headline in the 2021October issue of Scientific American catches my eye, “A mismatch between theory and experiment from muons points to possible new particles and forces of nature.” Hmmm. “forces of nature.” I was just emerged for six days and nights out in “the forces of nature" all around me, above me, below me. Reading the article I am curious to see if what scientists studying nature inside laboratories fits in anyway with what I have been studying about nature while actually in nature. My tools were looking, feeling, sensing, listening and contemplation of what I was experiencing.
Contemplation, described by author Tim Lilburn in his book Living In the World As If It Were Home, is "an insistent noetic desire to understand the world as message bearing…an inquiry into the nature of reality…opening to the singing and dreaming of things for the world, by hints, helps us unravel the meaning of an infinite mind.” This is precisely the kind of contemplation and understanding I cultivate on vision quest. Speaking of understanding, muons are subatomic particles produced by cosmic rays in earth’s atmosphere, 10,000 of which pass through our bodies every minute without any conscious awareness of their passage. That is a lot of action to be unaware of, to say the least. What else passes through us unnoticed as we go about our daily lives? To answer that question I go into nature - mountains, forest and desert to pursue contemplative knowing that in Lilburn's words, "does not seek to subdue the world but to dwell in it ... a homecoming to what is ... a mind humbled and sharpened, made keen for love."
I go on quest to open and attune to whatever presents itself which consistently elicits a confrontation with my reactivity patterns and shadow. Sound grim? It is, for awhile, but those are the guardians at the gate that I have to face in order to open the attunement channel to the "forces of nature". This work feeds my soul. It charges my spiritual batteries. It also challenges me with homework, to integrate the quest insights gained from contemplative knowing into my ongoing life.
I entered this quest as I was transitioning into my twelfth, seven year cycle turning 77 in January of 2022. I sought guidance on what is most important for me to pay attention to as I enter this new cycle. If I make it to the end of it I will be eighty-four years old and who knows what kind of shape I will be in then and what kind of shape the world will be in as well. Given a recent fall, slamming into the concrete side of the neighborhood pool when my leg mysteriously slipped out from under me and just missed smashing my head into the side as well, what I call Death Making A Gesture, I am just happy to be alive now and able to put one foot in front of the other. If I had hit my head there was a good chance it could have knocked me out and I would have drowned in the pool. There was no one else there. I felt blessed to be alive and able to go on quest instead of being dead or home in a full body cast for months immobilized by broken bones.
I was totally out of condition with no exercise of any kind for six weeks due to the demands of travel and the fall two weeks prior, painfully bruising my left side ribs, thigh and calf. Fortunately nothing broken but hard to breathe. I didn’t know if I would be able to carry a backpack over miles of uphill hiking to the quest site located at nine thousand feel elevation. Driving the six and a half hour to meet the eight other questers I hoped for the best but also prepared myself mentally to accept that I might not be able to make it, I might have to remain by myself in the parking lot while the others went on ahead. I download some of my gear to several younger and stronger questers who offered to help carry my heaviest gear, my bear canister filled with food, and a few other items. I hoist up my pack, strap in and stand up. My body seems to be ok with it. I take some Advil as preventative medicine and off we go. Everything is working. Hooray! Now to get there.
The trail into the destination lake that was to be our quest site was about four miles as the crow flies, following a gurgling creek through forest of aspen and pine, towering mountains on either side of us as we began the thousand foot elevation climb towards our destination. It didn’t take long to feel the effects of the altitude, light-headed, wobbly and weak. We went slow, stopping as needed, which became more and more needed by myself and two others as we gained altitude. It didn’t take long to feel exhausted. Stop. Rest. Drink some water. Hike a few hundred more yards and then stop to rest again. Like a little kid on a car trip, my mind keeps wondering, "How much further to go?" Keep hiking. Suffering builds in muscles, legs, my back, labored breathing.
“OK, I get it. This is part of the vision quest medicine”, I think to myself My challenge is to find a way to accept the fact of suffering but not let it overwhelm me. Find a way to enjoy being alive and being in these beautiful mountains even though physically I am a wreck. “Be thankful you are here. That at your age you can still do this. Remember you are not your body, your feelings, your thoughts, your exhaustion. You are spirit. Love now. It is the only time you can. Be fully present for each rise and fall of every footstep. You can do this. Call on spirit, call on the strength of these mountains to help you keep going. Remember, a spiritual warrior uses everything to grow in the ways they want to grow. You want to be more peaceful, more joyful, more loving. Do it now while under this stress. Deconstruct your ego’s attempt to feel sorry for itself. You are not your ego so go deeper. Connect with strength that comes from faith that with spirit’s help you can make it there. Don’t try to do it just on your own.”
I thank my body for the hard work it is doing. “Just get me there and then you won’t have to move again until five days when it's time to hike back out from the mountains to return home. Get there, set up the tent, lay out the sleeping bag and boom, no more physical effort other than walking down to the lake to get fresh water or walking back away from the lake far enough to empty bladder and bowels without endangering the the waters we were all dependent upon for our supply of water."
I almost made it. One hundred yards from basecamp my calves cramp up something terrible. I knew if I walked another step my legs would give out from under me and I would crash to the ground with my still heavy pack adding momentum to my fall. A gift of grace arrived as one of our group who had already reached basecamp and unloaded their pack had walked back to see if anyone needed help. I did. He took my pack which allowed me to walk the final distance unburdened by extra weight. I still barely made it, but I did. I had trouble setting up my tent because my mind and body weren’t working so well. Some of my cylinders weren’t firing. I had to sit down, lean against a granite boulder and just be for awhile. Drink some water. Eat a remaining energy bar that I pulled out of my pants pocket. Gradually I got it together enough to assemble my tent, unfurl my sleeping bag, blow up my sleeping pad and flop down onto the support of the ground totally spent and wiped out. But I was here. Praise Be. I was here.
What a place to be. A gorgeous lake, majestic mountains, blue sky, amazing pine trees rising up into the heights while some non-conformist ones twisted in different shapes as if doing T’ai Chi and holding their positions. It looked like heaven to me.
It was late afternoon by the time I got enough energy to sit up and cook some dinner. There was some smoke from the big fires down south. If by chance fire came to this place we would be stuck. We’d have to get in the cold lake and hope it passed through before hypothermia took us out. Not a pleasant thought. I gave thanks for the courageous firefighters, prayed for their safety, and that those of us camped here would also be safe. The sun went down behind the mountains pretty early, we were two days away from the fall equinox. It got cold quickly, even with all my warm clothing on. We couldn’t make a fire because huge fires raged to the north and south as California suffered from drought conditions, high winds and lightning sparked blazes that were destroying thousands of acres and anything in their way. We did a brief circle sharing about our intentions for our quest, then get into our tents and sleeping bags to keep whatever warmth we still had in our bodies from slipping away readying ourselves for a long night. Totally exhausted I fall asleep shortly thereafter listening to big winds howl around the high peaks.
My tent set up at basecamp, a short walk from the lake.
The next day we were all up for a sunrise ceremony, the sky clear, the lake radiant with sunbeams dancing across the surface. We sat in circle doing a give away ceremony and then each of the eight questers took off for their solo site to reunite again on Friday morning to break fast and share the teachings that came through the time of solitude. I followed each person out to their site so I knew where they were just in case something happened where I needed to call everyone together. Returning finally to basecamp I could now release into my own solitude time. I collapsed into my camp chair situated just so between sunlight and shade that I had the best of both worlds. I close my eyes and drift off so happy to be alive, given my fall and near miss of being knocked out and drowning. I am so thankful I could make it up here, no broken bones, no cast, no major aches or pains from the hike in.
Several hours later I awake to the sound of people talking. I jump up and peer down the trailhead. Headed towards me are several backpackers unaware of my presence. I walk up to the trail head and slowly head towards their approach. They stop when they see me. I greet them letting them know there are people camped ahead seeking solitude for two days and nights on a vision quest. They get it. They tell me they are just passing through on their way to a further lake and will take a higher trail to miss the questers camped at various point along the lake hidden in the trees. I am relieved and return to basecamp. I mostly spend the afternoon in my camp chair relaxing, dozing, letting my fatigue slowly dissipate. Other than trips down to the lake to refurbish my canteen I am still, very still. Gotta stay hydrated at higher elevations even though you don’t feel thirsty.
Dark comes early on this first day of fall. The sun retreats behind the high peaks and cold fills the valley. I stay outside all bundled up as long as I can bear the cold waiting for the first stars to come out. When the first few appear I give thanks for their company and enter my tent and sleeping bag to try and conserve what little body heat I still maintain. I say prayers for the protection and good medicine of the questers, my family, friends and people who have asked for me to pray for them. I give thanks to the nature spirits and ancestor spirits of this beautiful place, pick up a book that jumped out at me when I stopped at a bookstore in Truckee on the drive here - Joy Harjo’s Anthology of Native Nations Poetry. In my still present exhaustion I fall asleep after reading a few pages.
In every year of my questing the first night on solo brings with it a dark night of the soul. It happens every time. It seems I have to first face and work with my shadow energies in order to access the wisdom medicine of the quest. I can’t get to the light it unless I face the darkness. This time suffering starts with physical pain, tendonitis in the hamstring of my left leg. I can’t get comfortable in my tight sleeping bag. Then dry mouth. Hard to breathe. It hurts my bruised ribs. I drink water hoping to ameliorate what feels like cotton stuck all over my tongue. Then I have to pee. It's a cycle that keeps repeating itself. Miserable. Feel sorry for myself. Angry. “I’m never going to do this again. I don’t need this suffering!”
I thrash and turn wishing for sleep but no such luck. Another addition to my misery comes deep into the night when I hear a group of noisy men hike in to camp very close to one of my fellow questers, a young woman of 35 who was very anxious to have a secluded site where she felt safe and protected. When I heard the men I cringed. Damnit. Now her quest is ruined. Total bummer. Fucking guys! Why couldn’t they go somewhere else. Why do they have to be so loud and obnoxious. It’s the middle of the night for shit’s sake!”
I felt called to rush over there immediately and ask them to please quiet down letting them know about the nearby quester. I shivered at the thought. It was dark and cold outside of my sleeping bag. It would be treacherous finding my way through the woods, not bumping or tripping over rocks and route finding over two creeks to get there safely, and back. I decided to wait until sunrise. I worried about what to say to them, how they might respond. More anger and resentment for this suffering they were causing me, all their fault.
This makes for a pretty good meal of “upset-stew”. Just what the doctor ordered confronting me to look at how I fuel my suffering. “You know tomás, this is all just perfect. It’s coyote trickster-medicine pushing your reactivity buttons so you get a chance to work your intentions under pressure. You know, your intentions you state every morning upon awakening, 'I am a joyful, kind, patient, , fluidly flowing, grateful, adaptable peaceful man of light and love. I am one with the Universe, I am one with You’. How are you doing with all of that right now?” Obviously not so good yet those are the qualities of consciousness and being that I want to grow and experience more consistently in my life.
Of course wanting those qualities elicits conditions that trigger my relativity patterns that produce the opposite of those desired qualities, stick them in my face and say, “OK mister, now what? Are you going to keep fueling your suffering with your poor-me victim stories or are you going to use everything that is happening, everything you are feeling, as opportunity for transformational work shapeshifting your misery into joy, peace and tranquility?"
That’s it, right here. My medicine guidance for what is most important for me to pay attention to as I enter my 12th of seven year cycles - how to create responses to things not going the way my ego wants them too, responses to getting interrupted, blocked or negated due to internal or external circumstances. I start by reminding myself that none of what is happening is by accident. I remind myself that Great Spirit is present in all situations seeking to bring through FFGG - Fullest Blossoming Greatest Good, but needing me to show up to do my part to make it be so. “Right now is the only time you can experience whatever you want to experience so find a way to pull the plug on the self-pity, upset stories. Breathe out and release the energies of constriction, resistance, uptightness and inflammation. Breathe in peace, send out love. Keep doing it for as long as it takes. One breath at a time. In. Out. Peace. Love.”
Slowly my energy state starts to shift. Positive thoughts enter my consciousness. “Those noisy campers have just as much right to be here as you. They are enjoying themselves, having a good time. You know what that is like. Have faith. Surrender to divine presence. Trust that the questers whose solitude is being interrupted will recognize that what is challenging them about the situation is part of the medicine of their quest. What is triggered in them is theirs to work on. Trust the process. Trust them. Trust spirit working in them. Trust that there is a deeper wisdom beneath it all and that each of us has the potential to access it. Now do your work.
Remember, when you are triggered you are asleep, stuck in ego identity and machine-like stimulus response patterns programmed into you unconsciously. Give thanks for the triggering. It offers opportunity to wake up. To really see what is happening. The situations that trigger you are tests of your spiritual curriculum. They offer opportunity to face and transform your reactivity and to consciously create a new experience for yourself based on love instead of fear, judgment and unconscious reactivity. Remember the song you sing at retreats - The sun returns, the sun returns, the sun returns ya-ho. Honor the darkness, feed your soul and you will surely grow. ”
Long slow deep breaths in and out. I repeat mantras, “Grace grows where gratitude flows”. I sing prayer songs to soften my heart. “I’m sending you light, to help you remember. I’m sending you light, to hold you in love. I’m sending you light, to help you remember. I’m sending you light, to guide your way home. Love is the answer. Love is the key. Love is the healer. Let love flow through thee. Let love flow. Ya-wee. (thank you in the language of the Pomo indigenous people where I live in Northern California). I send love and compassion to my self, to the other questers, to my family, members of my groups, my communities, to my ancestors, to the tree-people, to the lake and mountain spirits. I remind myself to b be fully present in all that I experience, to cultivate joy in being alive in this moment. I give thanks for it all.
Ever so slowly I start to lighten up. But It’s still the middle of the night with no sleep. The dry, cotton-mouth still periodically makes my mouth feel like it is stuffed up with big wads of sticky cotton. It’s wearing me down. A final prayer, one of my big power ones I learned sitting bedside next to a dying friend many years before. “Holy Mother Mary of Miracles, Full of Grace, Thank You for Your Eternal Loving Embrace. Please send some healing light and love into my mouth to clear out this stuck energy.”
I visualize the Holy Mother sending a beam of her healing love into my mouth dissolving the sticky stuff. I visualize it working. I give thanks for the healing that is on the way making sure I am open to receive and welcome it making a good home for it so it can enter and do its job. It works. I fall asleep. Next thing I know a disturbing dream wakes me up to a new day.
In the dream I am furiously screaming at Andrea for committing me to something I didn’t want to do without her checking first to see if I was ok with it. I am possessed in anger, my prefrontal cortex highjacked by my reptilian brain. I cringe when I see how easily I can be triggered into this kind of violent expression that is so hurtful to me internally and to anyone on the receiving end of my wraith. The dream dramatically shows me that despite all the years of work on myself and catching myself from that kind of reactivity I still have that energy and reactive pattern deep inside of me. It has not gone away. “Face and own it tomás. This is part of you of your shadow. You still have a long way to go in taming this judgmental blame-others pattern.”
My body is tight and constricted. I take some cleansing breaths to release tension in my body resulting from the dream. I I do some simple stretches, get out of my sleeping bag, get dressed remembering I need to head over to where the camper guys are to alert them to the nearby presence of the young woman quester. I wonder how they will react to my news. It takes me awhile to hike around the lake to where I can now hear them just waking up. I walk into their camp. They look surprised. I greet them and wish them good morning. Six guys, buddies, who do something like this every year. Cool. I tell them about the young woman just over the rise and explain the quest. They respond kindly explaining they are just about to break camp and leave heading to another lake higher up in the mountains. “Whew”. Relief surges through me. Solitude restored. I wish them well and head back to my camp.
I don’t get to enjoy the good news for long because after fifty yards I hear new voices coming down the trail towards the lake. More people coming in heading towards base camp where my tent is pitched. I change my direction to head them off and alert them to the questers up ahead. They too respond with kindness and understanding. They detour to a higher trail that bypasses the quester sites. I thank them for your consideration and wish them well. I continue back to my site. Later and throughout the day more hikers come through. I hear them coming from far away so jump up to head them off before they reach the trail that leads down to where I and the other questers are located, tell them about quest and then let go to see how they respond. Without exception all are respectful and cooperative and take other trails to their destinations that will not disturb my compadres. I am very grateful but realize that part of my role on this quest is acting as Guardian at the Gate. So be it. I accept it for what it is, part of my medicine assignment, protecting others, just as I try to do with my prayers that each quester will be safe with good medicine coming through their time at their spot.
Finally some peace. I made it through the suffering of the hike in and the Dark Night of the Soul. The portal opens. I do my morning thanksgiving prayers to the seven directional powers of the medicine wheel then settle down into my camp chair to just be with all that is here in this incredible place of such beauty. The lake, the trees, the rocks, the spirits.
The mountain peaks, the big sky
Granite boulders
vibrating
story of this land
pine trees
tall, short, old, young
bony ones stripped
of foliage
by lighting strike
disease
death
high peaks
thrusting
cliffs
summit
ridge line
circling
dark
blue-green
glimering
lake
The grandeur, the peace, the beauty of it all. Last remnants of smoke from fire far away fire now all gone. I stand up and face the now rising higher sun in the clear blue sky reciting aloud one of my daily prayers - “I consciously set my sails with humility, receptivity, flexibility, fluidity and gratitude to catch the breeze and waves of God’s grace, successfully making a sacred marriage with all that cross my path today (accepting it for what it is and getting its information on how to be with it in a good way) successfully opening the doorway for fullest blossoming and greatest good to come through for all, knowing, you, loving you and serving you (higher will, spirit) with joy, grace and gratitude." My slowing down vibrational rate aided by fasting, sleep deprivation, altitude and prayers opens awareness to attunement with the spirits of this amazing place. It’s golden time for the traffic cop, guardian-a-the gate with no one else around. I fill up with the radiating power so richly shared here by the forces of nature.
Spirit images
emerge
with
slowing
down
time
interweaving
energy
tapestry
wonderous
beings
this piece of wood
stand up from camp chair
mosey down to lake
two steps into my mosey
piece of wood stops me
“I got something for ya”
stiff back
i bend over
pick it up
flat sliver
cuneiform figures
older than
Sumarian clay
tablets
way back time
written by
the old one
who knows how
to lay down
a message
nature’s way
speaks through
winter snows
summer
grows
autumn’s
fall
springs new
flows
“Read me,”
it
says
“Remember
what
is
truly
worth
remembering,”
it says.
Wind blasts
upper world
dragon mouths
stillness when it comes
winds rest
no noise
golden silence
peace abides
too precious
to miss
luxuriate
winds
return
cool
drafts
waft
valley
power
songs
majesty
might
sit still
watch
take in
energy/spirits
to
organ
to
bone
how best
to live
entering
77th
year
what
lies
ahead
what is
to
come
lived-out
pine
tree
bends
to
earth
time
grows
shorter
mountain
rises
falls
cosmic
dance
wonder
of
now
I think back to how upset I got when I first heard other campers coming in to our site. How I judged them for their noise level, for being so obtrusive, so unconscious. How angry I got, how much I resented their presence. I think about how the indigenous peoples of this land might have felt when the first settlers came crashing into their lives. Words come.
We stole
this land
scalped
poisoned trade blankets
raped
pillaged
decimated
ancient cultures
nations
proud
people
with
dreams
who
loved
their
children
honored
their
elders
killed
by
lance
by avarice
greed
minds
who
honored
gold
but
forsooth
soul
“No way
leave
us
alone
go back where you
came from
learn
respect
humility
then
you
can
stay"
so much
lost
wisdom
poetry
art
cosmologies
understandings
gained
over
eons of time
how all
works
together
for good
when
respected
so much
lost
but not
all
gone
people
endured
survived
how they could
carried
forth
ways of the
land
generations
making a
stand
hark to
stories
songs
struggling
to be
heard
open
heart
mind
roar
of
ocean
song
of
flyers
People
who know
how to
live
free
follow
way
Great
Sacred
Tree
land
to heal
listen
must
we
to those
who
remember
how
to
be
winds
roar
back
comes from the eagle
beating wings
sound waves power
go where they please
stirring earth’s cauldron
breath of the mighty
those who listen
gifts come galore
all that’s required -
open the door
lake calm
winds
sleep
gentle
ripples
glide
slowly
across
wide
water
mirror lake
holds mountain and stone
soft purring
peace
down
to
the bone
Afton to Gitchegoomee
water rolls on
bringing splendor
then
gone
wind roils
waters
dance
divine
no mankind marchings
could ever intwine
march of the waters
so
sublime
I sit before a gnarled pine tree
spirit slowly speaks to me
slow down
just thee and me
both of us energy
tree and me
quieter I get
the louder it speaks
not English
older
vibrations enter eyes
electromagnetic currents reach into skull
electrochemical flows fuel brain
making
virtual reality visions of what I “see”
as a tree
two living beings
getting getting to know each other
sunny crisp autumn day
Eastern Sierra
here
this tree
me
sharing
intimacy
personal encounter
theophany
deity manifestation
in
observable
way
eros
i'd say
contemplation
the
way
My fellow questers return from their sojourn Friday. We break fast. Spend the day how each is called. Share dinner that night and begin sharing our experiences. Sun sets, cold returns so into warmth of our tents and sleeping bags until morning. We greet the new day with sunrise ceremony, then sit in circle to complete our sharing. Each of us touched by soul testings, their own version of what I went through with my Dark Night of the Soul. Each also rewarded by medicine gifts - teachings, insights, challenges, healing and oh yes, of course, comes with the territory - homework! What is given on quest is to be brought home, integrated into the daily living of our lives. As my first Native teacher taught me, “Don’t go on quest unless you are willing to take more responsibility for your life. You will be tested when you come down from the mountain to see if you mean what you say. If you will live what you have been given.”
My tests start with the hike down the mountain. I go slow. Mindful steps. Frequent rest stops. Fatigue returns. Shoulders ache, Thighs tremble. Suffering. “Ah yes, this is the start of bringing my quest medicine down the mountain. It is time to create a relationship with suffering using gratitude to access joy." It helps immensely to see the colors of fall have come to the aspens, golden yellow leaves softly waving in the light breeze as we hiked along the trailhead. Magnificent beauty. Somebody knows what they are doing!
We don’t reach our cars to start the drive home until late in the afternoon. I knew I would be doing a good part of the drive in the dark and with my eyes already tired from my bodily fatigue. Concern about staying awake and alert enough to safely navigate the demands of single lane backcountry roads and then busy freeways. I hope all goes smoothly so I get home before midnight. Not to be. Four tests to my peace of mind and hoped for time schedule to reach home. First a wreck that stops traffic. Further up a detour that slows traffic to a crawl. Total stoppage on the Richmond Bridge crossing the San Francisco Bay. Then my exit closed just as I am about to get off the freeway and finally make it home. I watch my reactivity emerge with each upset. “Perfect. The coyote trickster is giving me opportunities to make a conscious decision - leave the quest medicine back in the mountains or bring it home, right here, right now, into these troubling disturbances busting my time estimates of when I will get home.”
“Let it all go tomás. Befriend what is happening. Befriend your reactivity. Create a response to it that opens your heart, that softens your tight body Accept what is without resistance. Welcome it in. Use it all to drop in deeper to connect with inner peace beneath the tumult on the surface. This is the only time you can live your intentions. Truth is you might never make it home so get on with your work right now sitting in your stopped car. Live the love that you are now. Clean out thought-created energy constriction in your pipes. Use the quest medicine you were gifted with to shape-shift your reactivity. Wake up. Remember you are love and that your love is for giving. Get on with dude. That is why you are here. Polish up your stardust. Use this stoppage time to send love out to others. Find joy, create joy. Live it. Give thanks for all. Live love now!”
I
do.
peace
returns
love
lives
home
safely
unload
give
thanks
hot shower
comfy bed
yay!
Next morning
lying
still
dawn
light
beams
past
branches
angle
head
just so
close one eye
squint
voila!
rainbow streams
dimensional
delight
yet
everyday lens
tight
clenches
soul
heart
closes
mind
poisons
land
what cha gonna
do?
what cha gonna
do?
make
a
stand
how
bout
a
dance?
do
we
even
have
a
chance
let
go
flow
slow
reap
what
you
sow.
didn’t
learn
anything
more
about
muons
but
soul
fed
gratitude
next
year
spirt
body
willing
strap
on
pack
head
out
up
in.
May it be so.
The Mystery of the Blue Light: Election Day 2020
The day of the 2020 election, I was invited to present on a panel about religious freedom. Other panelists being of Hindu, Buddhist and Islamic faith. I represented shamanic indigenous spiritual ways which as I explained is not a religion. It is a way of being in relationship to the creation that existed before there was religion as we know it today. I explained how indigenous people do not have a word for religion since they know all creation is alive, conscious, interwoven in a cosmic web of inter-relationship. They knew that all life is sacred, that we are 100% dependent for our lives on forces of nature that we are not in control of and that those forces are spiritual energies that we need to be in respectful, reciprocal relationship with or else we will not survive. So there is no religion that is separate from how they live their daily lives trying to be in harmonious balance with all the powers that give and sustain our precious lives. Religion came later, much later.
I was the last of five panelists to speak after the others had shared about discrimination their people have and still do experience. I shared how i do not have freedom of “religion” because of the insanity of this country’s laws that make it illegal for me to eat or drink certain plants grown by Mother Earth, something indigenous people have been doing for thousands and thousands of years in socially integral ways that expand and grow consciousness. It is precisely an expansion of consciousness that is needed today shapeshifting from one that believes in separation, that has an economic system that feeds greed, fear and violence, to a consciousness that knows how we are all interconnected and that what we give/do to another we do to our selves, to our children, to our grandchildren. From that expanded consciousness we can work to grow a cooperative planetary consciousness based on love, kindness, caring, justice, equality, peace, beauty and healthy world, a Win-Win World for All. It is possible. I know it. I have seen it.
I closed my sharing with respectfully honoring the diversity of religious beliefs and practices expressed by the panelists with my understanding that beneath the differences real spirituality comes down to a bottom line truth that God is love, and those who love, know God. It seemed to resonate with each speaker as I watched their heads nod in agreement.
It is not so easy living that love consistently when it is so easy to be triggered into fearful reactivity by the dramatically challenging times of so much social unrest and climate change we are living in today. Below is a photograph of a place I have been going to each day to remind myself of the deeper waves of life, the beauty of the natural world, the magnificent creation we are gifted to live in. I call it “Sanity Shores” because the energy there is sane. The rhythms are constant but always changing. Impermanence and continuity. There is wisdom there. There is no ego there. There is what “God hath wrought”.
I share the image caught on camera so you too might take in some of the sanity there to help you through this time of unrest, of unease, of unknown future. There is Father Sun sending down stardust from above. There is the endless sky. The wispy passing clouds. There is the flowing waves of Mother Ocean. Rock People. What indigenous people say are the oldest living people on the planet, the ones who carry the history of what has been.
May the figures on the screen help you connect with a center of strength and peace within you. May they help you connect with the love that is in you, that you are, that we all are. May it help strengthen your knowing that so long as we are alive no matter what is happening, if we choose it, if we clean out any thoughts or beliefs that get in the way, we can Live Love Now remembering love is the most powerful transformational energy in the universe.
One more thing. If you look at the bottom left hand corner of the picture you will see a blue light. On the rational, logical side of understanding it is nothing but a lens flare. Of course. We all know that. We share a cultural understanding that explains its presence. Yet, might there possibly be more to it than that?
In a shamanic perspective it just might be a trickster doorway, a nierica, to/from another dimension, a spiritual dimension using the lens flare of the camera to bring through a transmission of some sort. Maybe it is just Coyote playing one of its tricks. But yet, indigenous people know that Coyote’s tricks carry medicine teachings, wisdom guidance to help people live in a good way with Creator and Creation. I invite you to take a look at that blue light. Open your mind to the possibility that the Sacred Mystery that exists beneath all physical phenomena and from which all that we see with our eyes comes from and returns, just might be trying to communicate something to help us through these dark times.
The Elders say Creation is a great mystery. They counsel to stay open, that there is more going on than what you think you see and what you think you know in your ordinary state of everyday awareness. "Stay open, Stay humble. Stay open to mystery” they say.
I invite you to find your way to open the blue light doorway and see what might come through for you. I welcome hearing from you.
Please keep the light of hope, faith and love alive and shining.
All Blessings.
love, tomás
Fall Equinox Reflection 2020
Blessings of the Fall Equinox to you, when the cosmic wheel of the seasons flows from summer to autumn bringing opportunity to pause and reflect. As the leaves release from their temporary home in the “Tree People” and fall to the Earth letting go of what has been, death of the old, we also are asked to look at what we need to let go of that no longer serves our lives.
As many of the winged-people and four-leggeds gather bounty from the fruits of summer, we two-leggeds are asked by the wisdom of the seasons to reflect on what has grown in us during the summer. This year, as we were pressured in many ways with COVID-19 threats and restrictions, out-of-control fires, smoke-filled skies, violence towards peaceful Black Lives Matter protesters, friends who lost homes, etc., there is much to reflect on and ask ourselves.
What will serve us as the Light of Father Sun moves further away and we have to find the light within our selves and each other? Following are some thoughts from wisdom elders that may help you find your way:
Here is one from Rumi on the truth of our deepest being.
“The external world is not at all how it seems. Neither are you. Beneath the convincing separateness of things is a vast, indescribable loving Unity. That Unity your true identity.”
Viktor Frankl addresses mindful choice of how we use the instrument of our minds.
“Between a stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. The last of human freedoms is to chose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”
David Cooper reminds us of how we each make a difference.
“The sense of self continuously dissolves as we merge into a vast interconnectedness with all of creation bringing the presence of the Divine into as many moments of life as possible. Each time we do something that raises consciousness we lift sparks of divinity within us all and within all things to new levels.”
Cosmologist Brian Swimme offers support to our membership in the Starlight Ohana here to polish up our stardust and shine.
“The universe has unfolded to this point. It has poured into you the creative powers necessary for its further development. When you breathe, you breathe the creations of a star… Every element, every atom that composes your body was fashioned in the heat of a star. You are that star, brought into a form of life that enables life to reflect on itself. The simple truth is that we are here through the creativity of the stars.”
The equinox is a time the cosmos speaks to us about balance since it is a time of equal day and night, light and dark. It reminds us to look at where we are out of balance in our own lives and in our society and use that information to take action steps to come back into balance.
May we all release heartedly with grace what needs to go. May we all gather heartedly that which strengthens our hearts and minds, our bodies and spirits, for the work we are all called to do in helping to birth a more peaceful, just, healthy and happy win-win world for all.
May it be so for all of us and our precious and threatened Mother Earth and All Our Relations.
Love, tomás
An American Billboard: a Poem
an American billboard
driving north on rt. 101
pass Gilroy
garlic capitol of the world
wide open spaces
huge irrigated fields of mono crops
campesinos harvesting
talking with andrea
met when we were
eighteen
love growing
through
the years
sudden shock
huge billboard
add for tractor
sez
“Conquer Your Land”
are you shitting me?
and yet
there it is
up front
how we got here
control
dominate
no wonder
the problems
the suffering
got it backwards
from what
we once knew
respectful
humble
harmonious
relationship
with the powers
that give life
Sacred Covenant
with Earth
Ocean
Desert
Forest
Mountain
Ancestors
Butterfly
Wind
Fire
Plants
Praying mantis
still time
though
growing short
purification
cleansing
rebirth
evolution
growing us
up
to
higher consciousness
that knows
truth
kindness
love
that is
for
giving
Evolutionary Pressure: What Does COVID-19 Want Us to Grow Into
Evolutionary pressures – what does the Universe want us to grow into?
How glaciers formed mountains, racism, corona virus and climate change are evolutionary pressures pushing us into new ways of being. They are symptoms that need to be addressed but unless we continuously want to be symptom-treaters we ultimately need to address root causes. Beneath anxiety, fear, prejudice, discrimination and violence to the other, to the earth and the living ecosystem is a perception and belief that people, plants, animals, earth, ocean, and sky are all distinct, separate entities, disconnected from one other. As we go about trying to meet our needs this consciousness of separation leads to behaviors that cause harm to that which is perceived to be “not-us”. We see a world of scarcity so we fearfully compete with others to make sure we get ours and for those of us with white skin more likely to do so than others with darker skin. Yet still all of us suffer from the ills that beset the world which are evolutionary pressures from the Universe, from God, Spirit, the Tao, pushing us to grow into more of who and what we really are towards realization of our greatest potentials.
Our current situation is analogous to a situation where the various organs within our body perceive and think they are separate from one another. Each is concerned with getting its needs met so they compete with each other for the nutriments they need to survive totally oblivious to the deeper reality that they are inter-wovenly connected and dependent upon each other’s cooperation to survive and thrive. So too we humans compete with each other, along with countries who compete with each other fed by patriotic nationalism where whatever county you live in you are socialized to believe in is the greatest thing going.
I remember starting each day in elementary school on with having to stand and recite the pledge of alliance while one kid held the American flag and god-forbid if the poor kid inadvertently touched it to the ground! Major shaming from the teacher. All based on the perception and belief in separation.
The intensifying crisis of today’s world is pushing us to wake up to recognize that like the organs of the body, all of humanity, all nations separated by arbitrary boundaries based on political realities, are part and parcel of a unified field in which every “thing” is connected and that there is no such thing as a separate thing. The win/lose scenery which is a natural outgrowth of the reality-as-separate paradigm leads to the path we are on now – a small group of mostly white corporate-enriched elitists getting their needs met living in barricaded enclaves guarded by their paid private militias while the rest try to survive amidst the ravages of climate catastrophe and weather-related calamities for whatever scraps might be left over, if anything, after the elites have taken all they want. That is where we are headed if we don’t change and change starts with the root if it is going to meaningful in the long run.
The evolutionary pressures are pushing us to the realization that the only win is a win-win for all, humanity acting cooperatively and wisely throughout the planet, which means in harmony with the powers of nature that give and sustain life. Humanity working together to create systemic structures that provide equal access and support to all in meeting basic needs and the nurturance of creative potentials towards their fullest blossoming and greatest good. We need to reweave the covenant by which our ancestors lived wherein they knew the earth was alive, that all of creation was alive and that they needed to meet their needs in ways that were in respectful relationship with those life-giving powers.
What does that mean in practical terms? It means realizing that there needs to be a balanced reciprocity between what we take from the environment and what we give back, inter-woven with re-learning how to take respectfully. Indigenous life-way traditions are good models for this because they recognize that reciprocity is sacred. They ask permission before they take, they do an honoring and thanks-giving to the spirits of what they take and they take only what they need and they do so in a way that supports that those living seven generations from now will also be able to live and thrive as they are doing. As compared to the rapacious insatiable take, take taking of modern life with no thought of thanking those powers that give the life, the spirits that are the essence underlying the physical manifestation of that which we are taking – animal, plant, oxygen, mineral, fuel etc.
In our indigenous minds there is an ancient heart-memory that knows all of creation is alive, that knows all is connected, that knows we are all related as relatives in the cosmic web of life. How to return to the consciousness of knowing this basic truth of what the universe is and how to work in harmony with the way it works, in reoccurring cosmic cycles of life, death and rebirth? The start is with intention for everything starts with intention. Intend to practice attentive, sensitive, humble receptivity to connect and align with the way life works on this wonderous planet we get to call home: Mother Earth, Turtle, Pachamoma, Gaia. Pay attention to how it all works. Attune to how it all works.
Start with the start of the day. The sun comes up in the east every morning bringing activity energy to the earth which activates the interactions of photosynthesis wherein plants take that energy and create oxygen, animals eat the plants, people eat the plants and animals and we have human life in all its diversity. Without that sunlight, that starlight brought to earth, we do not have life. What about facing the sun each morning, filling up your tanks with its energy, giving thanks for its gift? What about opening to the possibility that contained within the photon beams of light you are taking is not only fuel for life but also information – non-english, non-human information, but cosmic information on how to live a good life in harmony with all life? What if it is an expression of consciousness, a gift from the creative wisdom power of the universe trying to wake us up to the truth of our being?
What if it is telling us to do what it does, to shine? What if it is telling us that the essence of our physical being is not only made of stardust, which we already know from science that our bodies are comprised of atoms which were created in solar explosions, some of which migrated through the heavens to our planet, but that the essence of our being is luminosity? We are made of stardust and we are fueled by stardust. We are luminous beings.
What if we open our minds to understanding that light is in all of us, no matter what the color, shape or size we are, no matter what language we speak, no matter what religious beliefs we have, no matter what our gender or our sexual partnering. What if we recognize the importance of diversity to the resilience and continuation of life? We see with the cancerous spread of mono- farming that if a disease or insight blight attacks the one crop all is lost, but if there is a diversity of crops then there is a greater change of something surviving as compared to nothing. So too with humanity and its diversity of belief systems and social structures. Instead of striving for a mono-way of being and living driven by consumer culture and the billions spent annually manipulating us to buy the same products, the same clothes and consume the same entertainment in a sameness of conformity, how about honoring and nurturing our differences but knowing that not only are we all luminous beings worthy of respect, care and support, we are all in our essence of luminosity made of the energy of love? What if at the deepest essence of our being we are love? What if our love is for giving, to ourselves, to each other, to all beings and to Mother Earth in all her diversity?
What if shining up our stardust means setting an intention to be a love-giver, being a channel for the love-light that is the essence of our being and taking responsibility for the fact that we are constantly extending the energy of our thoughts and feelings out into the energy field of the earth like a broadcasting system? What if we recognize that because we are all connected, what we give to another, what we give to the earth, how we treat animals, forests, oceans, plants, mountains, streams, the air, comes back to us and impacts not only our lives but those of our children and grandchildren and all those yet to come?
What if we cultivate states of consciousness that bring us into experientially knowing our interconnectedness, our unity, our essential oneness? What if we have access to the infinite, creative wisdom of the universe? What if we use that access aligned in a shared intention of creating a Healthy and Just, Peaceful and Free, Beautiful and Diverse Win-Win World for All? What kind of world could we create? What kind of social and institutional structures might we create that every one on the planet had equal access to health care, education, protection, justice, food, clothing, housing and income so that no one was missing out? What if all were nurtured and supported to fulfill their highest creative potentials for wisdom, beauty and self-actualization? Would you like to live in that kind of a world? Would you like to have your great grandchildren live in that kind of a world? A world where everyone knew they were, and were treated as, sacred, worthy luminous being of love that is for giving.
The truth is that it is entirely possible to create such a world. We just have to hold this as a shared intention and then move into acton by showing up to do our part to deconstruct the beliefs and consciousness of separation, and the corporate capitalist, profit-driven, racist institutions that poison the earth and people towards each other driving the catastrophes that threaten to wipe out the human species taking many other species with us as we go.
It may seem impossible. It mean seem preposterous. It may seem to be a naive fantasy wish that could never be accomplished in the “real world”. Yet who would have put money on the motley, rag-tag army of colonialists defeating the most powerful army in the world in 1776? Who would have put money on the Berlin Wall coming down without a shot being fired? Who would have put money on people walking on the moon if you lived in the time of ancient Rome? Not too many that is for sure.
Dr. Martin Luther King spoke a message decades ago that still holds power for those of us living today when he shared what he thought was possible – “I have the audacity to believe that peoples everywhere can have three meals a day for their bodies; education and culture for their minds; and dignity, equality and freedom for the spirits.”
So let’s not just treat symptoms. Lets also address root causes and do what it takes to expand our consciousness to a wider bandwidth and to a deeper knowing of the truth of who and what we are and why we are here – sacred worthy luminous beings of love whose purpose is to live love now working to create the kind of world that is possible for all of us to be living in.
So polish up the light you are
come so far from a star
polish up the light you
to shine, shine, shine.
How to polish up a star so bright?
you hold it up
into the light
Shine on into darkness
shine on into night
shine on when its stressful
shine with all your might.
The Gifts of Grace: Twelve Boys and their Rites of Passage
As I prepared to take the 12 teenage boys out on Vision Quest, the weather spirits spoke and they spoke loudly. I got the news on the eve of our departure – Three days of big lightning storms blasting the Northern Sierra just where we were going to go on quest! Not safe given that we would be hiking over big stretches of granite to reach out intended site sooooo, instead of packing up after a full day at work I spent the evening frantically calling wilderness friends trying to find an alternative site that would work for what we were seeking. I went to bed late that night exhausted still not knowing where we were going to go and if we would have to cancel the whole trip. Postponing it was out of the question because parents had already made their summer plans around the date we had set up and the boys were all geared up and excited (but nervous and anxious as well).
Not much sleep as I was tossing and turning trying to figure out what to do until finally I got to the point where I had to just turn it over to spirit. It was beyond my control so I let it all go surrendering the whole situation into spirit’s hands. Then I could finally fall asleep for a few hours. Next morning Greg and I drove the rented van down to the school parking lot where we were meeting the boys and their families for our taking off ceremony. Standing in the center of two circles, the boys around me and their parents and sisters forming a larger circle surrounding us I gave them the news that our planned destination was out scratched due to bad weather. I shared that we would head up to the South Fork of the Yuba River in the Sierra foothills where I had led a quest last summer with a mentorship group of middle-aged men and hope that the base camp I had used previously would be available but there would be no way to know until we drove up and hiked several miles into the site. We were taking off into mystery not knowing if the site would work for this larger group even if base camp was available because there are limited flat spots along the river to camp within a safe distance where the boys could signal one another in case they got into trouble on their solo time. One of the boys had an extreme allergy to any kind of nuts and required hospitalization 20 minutes after giving himself a shot with his EPI Pen if he had a reaction. No way that could happen from where we would be so once again it required surrendering into the bigger hands with faith and trust that the boys, all forewarned, did not bring any items that could cause an allergic response.
On the drive up, the 12 boys, Greg Snowden and myself, the weather report said there was a 30 to 40% chance of a thunderstorm just about the time we would arrive at the start of the trail which you can see in the picture below as the boys are loading up their packs. I did my prayers that we would get a break and at least be able to hike in and set up our shelters before the rain hit and that the great base camp would be available. If not, we might have to drive back home that night since I could not come up with any other site that worked for our purpose. Again I surrendered letting go of attachment to outcome while trusting that whatever was for our greatest good would transpire and that would be what we had to deal with, all part of a “Coyote (trickster) Quest!”
The Gifts of Grace were plentiful beginning with perfect weather when we arrived and hiked in. The base camp site was available, the river was clear and beautiful with a fabulous swimming area right in front of our place with large boulders for the boys to scamper on and jump into the water. What a relief and great fun to watch them frolic in the beauty of the river, the magnificently shaped boulders and rocks and the sandy beachfront that was ours to enjoy. Some of the boys caught some crayfish that they cooked up for dinner that night.
After dinner we circled up with each boy sharing their intention for the quest. Their was a commonality of intention re: seeking more confidence and inner strength to face challenges in their lives, to try new things and to gain insight into themselves and the workings of nature. Each boy would be tested by fasting for a full day and night, something that growing 13 year old boys who eat ravenously and continuously would truly find challenging, along with facing nighttime fears sleeping out without a tent, worrying about bears, mountain lions, rattlesnakes and even news we heard hiking in about a crack head who was camped further up the river from us who was known to steal gear from others when it was left unguarded. Plenty of good stuff for the boys and their imagination to work with during the night.
Watching the boys set up their weather protection, prepare their meals, interact with each other, set up their gear and interacted with the environment allowed me to see not only their external behavior but also afforded a doorway into their hearts and souls. Greg and I were very fortunate as the boys all knew each other and were friends through my 13 year old grandson who provided the motivation for me to offer this experience in the first place, an opportunity for him and his buddies to experience some of the richness of questing work in the wilderness that has been such a treasure of growth and guidance and inspiration and wisdom in my own life. The boys were used to cooperating through their experiences in team sports and besides that they were really good guys; responsible, caring, intelligent, full of yearning for adventure and being tested. Just what I needed when I was 13 but didn’t get in a way that was meaningful for me.
It was an exciting adventure crossing the river with packs on coming and going with a few of us taking falls, including me, and some needing the help of others to right our selves in the current and slippery river-bottom rocks we were walking on. Thursday morning before the boys took off to their sites I shared with them how the tests they would face would be ones that they had chosen for themselves and would give them good practice in finding the resources they would need to meet the tests in their future lives would bring them challenges they had not chosen and the work they did now would serve them in the future. “Just by showing up to face yourself in these tests you have already proven your courage which is not the absence of fear but going forward with what your heart and soul calls you to do even though you are frightened.”
During my own solo time I had opportunity to reflect on how at the age of 13, I was already heading down a dark path of drug abuse (alcohol was the drug of my growing-up experience), anti-social and acting-out delinquent behavior. I felt so gifted that I could be with these healthy boys and give them what i so much wanted and needed at their age; respect for their thoughts and ideas, for their hopes and dreams, for their creativity and listening to and honoring the calling of their hearts and souls, versus being told by authority figures what to believe, what to do, what to feel and how to be. I loved giving them the space to make their own decisions, within reason and with some safety guidelines, from which they could learn from their own experiences rather than being lectured to and pressured to fit into a mold someone else had created that didn’t care about their own sense of integrity and authenticity. I loved showing my grandson a fisherman’s knot by which to tie two ends of a rope together in a really magical kind of way when helping him secure his shelter. He was as excited to see how it worked as i had been forty three years earlier when I had first learned it. I thought about the transmissions between generations and that one day he will pass this knot on to his own children.
The boys came back Friday morning from their fasting time all having been thoroughly tested and ready to eat a whole market’s worth of food. Afterwards we again sat in circle with each boy sharing what they had gotten from the quest, what “medicine” they were given to take home and use in their lives. The boys spoke of new found sense of strength, respect for food and empathy for those who do not have enough to eat around the world, the importance of self-restraint, how the fast helped them slow down to see more of what is all around them but they don’t ordinarily see or pay attention to in their busyness and activity, respect for people and animals, how everything is interconnected, respect for nature and how things work and finally an appreciation for silence.
I was very happy and relieved to have them all back safely together learning that morning how one boy had changed his site location in the night and had fallen while crossing the river, gotten soaked and spent the night wet and uncomfortable. Hearing about this I have thanks for the umpteenth time prior for no rain on our hike in and while setting up camp, for the warm weather that allowed for swimming and good-time play in the river, for no rattlesnake bites or allergic reactions that required emergency service, no problems with theft or threatening presence of others camping on the river, for the good spirit and cooperative and helpful attitude and caring behavior of the boys. Not once did I have to raise my voice when I needed their attention. Nor did I ever have to reprimand a boy about his behavior. So many gifts of grace and now another one hearing about the adventure of the boy who slipped in the river that he was ok. He could have hit his head, been knocked unconscious and drowned and I wouldn’t have even known about it until the morning! Thank you Great Spirit for the gifts of protection!
After breaking camp and cleaning up (I told the boys “We need to leave this campsite even better than when we found it so the spirits that live whose living room we have been in for these three days will fell good about our having been here”), we loaded up our packs, crossed the river with only one rescue needed, hiked back to the van and drove home to the waiting parents, sisters and brothers. Greg and I had a good time listening to their conversations, hearing their jokes and learning about their music tastes. Not sure that I want to take up hip-hop myself but it was great hearing them sing along. I also taught them a thank-you prayer song that we would sing to the parents at our closing circle which they enthusiastically spent time practicing several times on the car ride so they could sing it with confidence.
I had tasked each boy to write a support letter to themselves and one thanking their parents for whatever they were truly thankful which they would give to their parents upon return home. I had also asked the parents to do some homework writing about their own teenage years experiences and what they learned from them so that if they had the chance to do it again what would they do differently. The parents would give their boys their letter as well so it would be in interchange that would begin the integration process for both parties.
We did our closing circle at our house with a potluck the parents had prepared. The boys sang their song, shared a bit of what they got from the quest facing their parents in an outer circle as they stood with Greg and I in an inner circle. I gifted each with a bear claw necklace signifying the “strength of the great Mother Bear” honoring the strength they had shown in facing their fears which the necklace could serve as a reminder of when they faced challenges in the years to come. We finished our ceremony by all of us coming into one circle, holding hands during which i offered a thanks-giving prayer honoring the parents for doing such a good job raising the boys to this point and a last prayer blessing the boys as they went on into their future creating a good and meaningful life sharing their gifts to make a better world. Then we ate and wowee, glad I wasn’t footing the bill for the poundage of food they put away!
Thank you brother Greg for your helpful presence, support, wisdom and sharing taking time from work to be a vital part of this quest. And thank you for taking pictures that are included below. Thanks to my daughter Kimberly, Corbin’s mother for handling all the logistics so capably and graciously, thanks to Andrea for hosting the potluck at our home and thank you parents for trusting Greg and I with your precious sons, thank you One and All for your supportive prayers during our time on quest and thank you Great Mystery for taking such good care of us! We needed all the help we could get and through your caring and support the doorway opened for the numerous gifts of grace that came through to us all.
Un mil gracias por todo!